Denial

I know I miscarried. My tests had gotten faint, I went for an ultrasound where they couldn’t find anything but possibly the start of a sac when I was supposedly 6-7 weeks. Two days later I started getting intense cramps that lasted two days, accompanied by heavy, clot-filled bleeding that is just tapering off now, 6 days later. All of my pregnancy symptoms have gone away.

But I haven’t had my levels tested. I haven’t even been checked by a doctor yet. At the walk in they basically told me there is nothing they can do. And when I called my obgyn they just took my word for it and made an appointment for a few weeks away to make sure everything went as it should’ve.

So today I took one of my cheap tests. Idk why. And there’s still a line. I know it takes time for the hormones to go back but I guess part of me is in denial. I’m afraid I’m still pregnant but there’s something terribly wrong with the fetus. Or that the bleeding and cramps was just a fluke and I’ll go about my life not knowing I’m pregnant. I’m afraid to have drinks tonight when we will be celebrating my brother in law’s birthday.

Anyone else ever experience this? There’s no chance that wasn’t a miscarriage right? I know this is dumb to ask but I think hearing from someone else will help me accept it.