Anyone have to give up their idea of a dream wedding?

My boyfriend will not marry me. I know this. I brought up hyphenating our child's last name and he flipped out, bringing up that he would marry me eventually. C'mon, we all know what eventually means.... but now he is bringing marriage up to have only his last name. It hurts my feelings and he knows this. I have pictured my wedding day since I was little, and after years of being with him I let it fade from my mind little by little. I cried about it, I sobbed, screamed, pouted, and got over it. Eventually. But now he brings it up to get his way and it twists a knife inside me, and I have to walk away from him because it upsets me so much. I feel like he is just doing this to get his way and have only his name on our baby. Other than this we are fine. Very much in love, and very happy. Many of you won't view giving up on marriage as a sacrifice but I can't help but think it is. I don't even go to weddings because I know if I go, I'll start wanting it more and more. Thinking, "I could have done that better," or "my dress would have been more sophisticated than that," or even "I love that idea I should do that when i... oh yeah. Never mind." It hurts knowing I want something so badly but knowing you won't have it.