want sex but also repulsed?

Question

I’m 20 and a virgin and I’ve moved away from for the first time for college. All the people around me are meeting up and building relationships and hooking up.

Then there’s me. I don’t even know how to explain how yes i get horny. Yes the idea of penetration is enticing. But at the end of the day, I’m uninterested in any guy. I have no attraction for my classmates or anything.

But i got a little desperate and went on whisper and a guy asked if I’d meet him. I chickened out last minute cuz i just feel gross and dirty despite i think wanting sex.

He asked me if again today. He knows it’s my first time. I literally woke up at 4am to a wet dream but at the same time i don’t want to go. Like as soon as my head clears i don’t want sex or anyone. I want to go to the movies with my platonic friends and be done, nothing more.

I called myself asexual for three years but since 2018 school year started  idk anymore. It wasn’t like this before.

Am i crazy? Is this just me needing to just try it and move on? What if the guilt eats me for going or not going?

Answer

You might be demisexual or asexual. Contrary to what most think it means, SOME asexual people can still be interested in and have sex readily simply because it feels good, but they experience no sexual attraction to their partner.
I'm a demisexual lesbian myself, meaning I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone until I've formed a close emotional bond with someone, and even after that the attraction is only to women, even if I have a close bond to any of my guy friends. I've always had a very high libido and drive, and just took care of that myself until I got with my girlfriend last year.

Answer

Idk I’m also like in the boat of if i could never have sex or masturbate again I’d have no issue giving it up.

Answer

I went through this. I was a virgin dating my now boyfriend and for some reason sex just sounded unappealing sometimes. I watched porn and I masturbated but still I didn’t want to have sex. I think the reason why I enjoyed it in the end is because it was with someone I trusted in a safe situation.
As much as it sucks to wait, I would wait for someone who you can trust.

want sex but also repulsed?

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