Current emotional situation

Ok, so here goes my story.

Until around 21, I only had a relationship that ended kind of bad. He was the manipulative kind of boyfriend, so I ended it.

Afterwards, it’s just history. I tried to make the best out of my life and I started to meet and have sex with guys( with most of them not just sex, most of them were tryings of developing a relationship).

One year ago, I decided this is just not for me and I want to stop this and start something with a guy just if I really feel he’s worthy and we will not end up just having sex.

Some months ago, I also discovered I have a big tumor on one of my ovaries and I went under surgery to have it removed, along with my ovary. A week before my surgery, I met a guy from another country only and started to talk a lot. So, here’s us, 2 months before the surgery meeting in Barcelona. We had a good time and I felt we both liked each other besides sex. On the other hand, I also know he doesn’t want to try something because of the circumstances ( the distance and he’s from s country that barely allows him to travel).

I also started an affair with a guy from my country, don’t ask me why, because I don’t have the answer. Somehow, I think it’s the need to feel some affection and prove myself things. Which is totally wrong.

Slowly, but surely I transformed myself from a girl full of emotion into a cold stone.

I didn’t know why I’ve written this and if what’s happening with me I did it by myself or it was because of the unlucky experiences I’ve been through.

I just wish to you all the best out of life and to never be afraid to feel.