So alone.

After my son was born three months ago I started to feel so empty and ugly. But not wanting to make his experience with his son hard on him I kepted it. I passed it off as "Baby Blus" and I'd be better soon. Then he left for a month for work. When he came back, I looked though his phone by a unknow compilation. I found thet he watched porn, went bar hopping and he flirted with a woman. For a month I have not made a true smile. I forgive him but now I have never hated my body more. I'm so broken and lost. I tried talking to his mom and my mom about but their advice was that it's because I haven't been able to clean or cook. I started cutting and at the lowest wished I never had my son. Which I regreted think right away. He gets upset went I cry about it or have a bad day and can't let it go. It torments me in my sleep to the point of have bad panic attacks. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to