Mommy issues post miscarriage


I feel horrible. I had my D&C post op visit today and physically I'm doing fine. The doctor and I joked around and she said she was not too worried and I should try again after I get my period. This is my second miscarriage but I've lost a singleton and twins. I know I'll be ok and people go through much more difficult things in life but I feel alone. I want to cry but I don't really have to whom. This whole motherhood experience brings out a lot of sore feelings in me. My mother and I have a strange relationship. My parents and most of my siblings have banished me because I left their religion. Although we occasionally speak they do not like the fact that I'm not religious, and that my husband is not of their religion/race, to the point of abandoning me. It's a bit like in the Amish community, when you leave, your dead. I typically don't care or I've learned to deal with this but I just want to be loved right now by a mother. I do have a wonderful husband and friends, but it doesn't take away the feeling of wanting a mom. I feel really tired. I want to sleep. The feeling doesn't go away when I am rested. It's like I want to die but not really that I want to end my life, but that I wish I never existed so I wouldn't have to bare all this drag/discomfort/pain. Sorry for ranting. I just want to feel ok. What should I do, how will I feel better?