Talking/venting to friends: where does it become too far?

Question

In your opinion, when or what isn’t okay to share with friends about your relationship? 
Just a few things as an example:
- venting to a friend when you and your so are in an argument 
- telling your friends personal details about your relationship like your sex life and finances 
- sharing secrets or embarrassing pictures of your so to friends 
When is it too much? 
And what about the other way around? 
What isn’t okay to talk to you SO about when it comes to your friends? 
I’m having a hard time with wording so if anyone is confused I’ll try to clarify.

Answer

Our shit is between us only. it took me some time to realize that talking with your friends and family about your relationship is a bad idea most of the time.

Answer

I don’t tell anyone those sort of private things. I feel like it would only cause trouble with the friendship and your relationship with your spouse.
But I have a friend who shares her problems concerning her husband with me. I’m careful not say too much. I mostly just listen.

Answer

I’m protective of my SO and our relationship.
I don’t go into detail about our finances, sex life, and and if we have an argument. I want them to respect my SO and our relationship and not be bias against it or him. 
I’ve been with my SO for 9 years and we’ve been through a lot and those details don’t matter. 
If I need advice, I go to my closest girlfriend who I know has been through similar stuff.

Answer

My best friend and I have been best friends for almost 10 years. She’s the only person I’m extremely close to besides my husband. She knows everythinggggg. And I mean everything. She knows about my kinks in bed, when we’ve gone too far with them, how I successfully orgasm, when my husband and I fight, the first person I told he cheated, the person I send entire screenshots to of our convos. She’s my person. 
My husband can do the same with his best friend and I wouldn’t ever mind. We all need someone to vent to when we can’t vent to our spouse because they’re making us wanna rip our hair out. 
This doesn’t work for everyone. Some people feel they shouldn’t speak “poorly” about their spouse to anyone and keep problems between them. 
For my life, fuck all that. I probably would have gone off the deep end if I didn’t have her to vent to.
She’s my person. If my husband left, she’d be there. If my future kids grew up and abandoned me, she’d be there. If my family walked away, she’d be there. I probs shoulda married her but she’s not even remotely into boobs like I am. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

I tell my friends pretty much everything about our fights. Only a little bit about our sex life. And I don’t show my friends anything my fiancé wouldn’t want them to see. 
He knows I tell my friends about our fights. He likes that they’ll tell me if I’m wrong, they don’t just side with me. He likes that we have a 3rd party person who is objective. 
I think it depends on the relationship. There’s certain things he’s asked me to not share (like specifics about our sex, his performance etc.) and I don’t.

Answer

I don't tell anyone shit. lol because they don't love my husband the way I do, they can hold grudges or judge or dislike him for it. They can also judge me or my relationship. Even close friends and family. So I don't say anything more than trivial things like "he leaves dirty dishes In the sink how annoying" because I don't want to open my relationship up to anyone else's opinions or judgement. I learned my lesson the hard way. Now I keep details of my relationship to myself.

Answer

I do not tell anyone anything about my relationship unless it’s positive. We don’t have a ton of issues- but if we bicker I tell no one. It fixes nothing. 
I tell my SO everything so if my friends don’t want my hubby knowing they shouldn’t tell me.

Answer

I don’t complain about my husband to anyone. Anything I have to say about him is “petty” anyway. I have found that the times in our relationship where I “vent” to my girlfriends about him, our relationship becomes worse because I carry that resentment around. I handle my problems with him and him alone.

Answer

I *try* to keep most things private, even among close friends. My husband does NOT complain about me to friends or coworkers (I have heard this from multiple sources) and I try to do the same. My friends are wonderful, but I already know they would likely take my side in any argument rather than bringing perspective and balance (being the ultra supportive women they are) so there is really no point to discussing our personal arguments with them. I try to avoid saying anything that could reflect negatively on my husband’s character (I say try, because admittedly there are times I fail this!). Because I love him, I don’t want to expose his sins, errors, or flaws to people who don’t need to know. In the moment I may be upset and venting, and that could paint an unfair and one-sided view of him.
We haven’t gotten there yet, but I do agree that wise council helps marriages. I am perfectly fine if we both agree on wise, solid individuals (one or two each, at most) that we are allowed to discuss issues with for advice. Not to complain, but honestly for wise council. They have to be likeminded (in our beliefs) and trustworthy, and we have to agree on who they are. I read this idea once, and it stuck with me as an appropriate (for our marriage) solution.
That said, boasting on my husband is pretty much fair game. I’ll tell all about the sweet thing he said to me, or did for me, how much he does around the house or for the kids, or what a hard worker he is. I don’t get into our sexual relationship, really, because that is private to us. I certainly don’t tell his/our secrets!

Answer

There’s a breakdown of different types of trust and one is called vault where you either keep to yourself which gains trust of your partner usually or telling everything and losing trust. I’m not perfect. I’ve told some things to friends before that I think was too much, but it also helped later when I was getting abused. My partner at the time rarely told anyone anything and that was good in my opinion. I had one guy I dated a month and he told his female friend EVERYTHING like when I got raped (and how neither believed I got raped) and what we argued about. I hated it. It broke all trust and obviously didn’t last. I think there’s a bit you can share like the fact you’re annoyed but you shouldn’t vent everything to your friends. It’s between you and your partner.

Talking/venting to friends: where does it become too far?

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