Scared to give birth, again

I don’t even know why I’m writing this but everyday I get closer the more I’m scared to be in labour again.

I’m 34+3 due Nov 13th and sounding incredibly selfish here but I’m that scared I feel I want a reason to pop up for them to have to take him out by c-section 🙁 my first labour was just awful, I remember feeling like I was going to die. Iveread so many positive stories on second births being ‘easier’ or quicker than the first and a ‘dream labour’ compared to their first. Now it lifted my spirits slightly but I’m still honestly shitting myself.

I didn’t have an epidural, only thing I feel I can consider is trying to go for the epidural this time and just not fight the pain for the sake of being scared of needles. I will be done after this little boy, I will then have my boy and girl and consider our family complete. I love my daughter and i live my son already too, she’s still breastfeeding and plan on breastfeeding him. My nipples are just so sore though, my body aches from head to toe (literally) I appreciate some people don’t like or find it selfish to say this but I hate being pregnant, I love hay my body is growing my children and it’s doing its job but I just hate it, I can’t say I love being pregnant, when I only really love he outcome it’s giving me.

Not one to post on here really, there’s a lot of judgment thrown about. I am a good mom and I’d die for my children, I’m just at a stage of feeling rather vulnerable and worried. Maybe I’ll say ‘was that it?’ With a big smile on my face when they place him on my chest and I’m worrying for nothing. I know no pregnant or labour are the same, it’s just hard not to think about the first and only time round you did it when it’s up and coming again.