Didn't mean for this to turn into an essay but it just all came flowing out so if you actually read it all thank you so much! ❤

I am currently 32w pregnant (high risk at that) with our 3rd and final baby due 2 days after our 6th wedding anniversary. Our marriage is basically over(hes an alcoholic, drug using, serial cheater, lying piece of shit) just waiting until I am recovered enough from birth to find a job and childcare for our 3 kids to file for divorce. Before I get a whole bunch of hate for having kids with this loser he wasn't always like this. He had a mental break a lil over 2 yrs ago (after #2 was already born) which lead him back to drugs and excessive drinking (had stopped drugs (never hardcore ones) before we ever got together and cut WAY back on drinking when we got together) the first 4.5 yrs of our marriage weren't perfect but ok. After the mental breakdown he got arrested for drug (ecstasy) possession and lost his job due to not going for 2 weeks. I full on wanted to leave at that point but stayed and tried to help him get help but of course if someone is not willing to get help there is nothing you can do. But things seemed to get better after a few months until just over a year later while I was out of town helping my very elderly and sick grandfather (went every weekend for months) he gets arrested for DWI. Seems instead of working his little side work project he had been getting messed up while I was out of town every weekend. I kicked his ass out but stupidly let him back in the house since he refused to leave the property or go to his actual job after a few days. He claimed it was a real wakeup call and would get his shit together and actually either behaved for a good while or just got even better at hiding it. He started coming with me on the weekends so I know he wasnt fucking up then. Things were good for a long while and we still wanted a 3rd child so we decided to try. The day after I ovulated he went off the deep end again and disappeared a couple days drinking. Came back and then a couple days later disappears this time on a drug binge and when he shows back up he had taken so much ecstasy that he was having paranoid delusions so I took him to the hospital cause he was seeing "people from the funny farm" that were trying to take him away. The stupid hospital released him a couple hrs later despite still have severe delusions! I almost said fuck it and left him wandering the streets but he called me and sounded normal and didn't want him getting picked up by the cops so I went to get him. BIG mistake. Got there and as soon as he gets in the truck he starts ranting and raving about how my "master plan to get him locked up for being insane" had not worked. That's when he in his intoxicated rage starts telling me about how many women he has fucked during our marriage when he was out drinking and such when I thought he was at work. I told him to get the fuck out but he refused to leave so I left him at the house and went to a safe place with the kids until he finally was back to normal. *I know everyone is thinking why save him from jail at this point but he is my children's father and was once (and I hope can eventually again be) a great daddy* as soon as I'm back home he's all apologetic again but I'm not stupid enough to believe it anymore and tells me he still wants a 3rd baby and I said WITH WHO!? And he says with me and he wants to fix us and everything (again was way past believing any of his bs) he then asks if I think I am pregnant (this is now a week after ovulation so another week til we know yes or no) I said I doubt it as it always took 3 or more mths of trying to get a pos. But I let him stay until I took the test a week later. I was hoping for red on the tp but instead got the red on a test which I am over the moon excited about this baby was as soon as I saw that line but hate that that meant I couldn't divorce the pos until after baby came. Ever since those 2 lines popped up he has taken it as a pass to do whatever the fuck he pleases. Drugs and drinking and hardly ever going to work. Pretty sure he's fucking at least one other person. Got his second dwi arrest in June which by that point he was on probation for the first DWI so the pro violation should have cancelled his pro and sent him to jail for 90days but his pro off gave him a slap on the wrist! This second dwi also occurred 2 days before he had to be in court for the drug arrest so had to rush to get him out and to court now he has the 1yr dwi pro til next April and a 3yr drug pro til June '21. If he violates the 3yr one he gets the max of 10 years in PRISON. still waiting on what will happen with the second dwi but it is just a matter of time until he gets caught on one of his party nights and then sent away for at least a decade. I don't want my kids growing up with a toxic addict father but I also don't want them growing up with a father in prison plus supporting 3 kids entirely on my own would be near impossible. *important note: when he drinks or does drugs he does not come home (other than the time I took him to the hospital cause i went to pick him up from where he was before i knew he was tripping out and once i realized it i got the kids away from him until he was clear headed again) so the kids are not in danger if he showed up intoxicated and I couldn't get them away to safety I would not hesitate to call 911*

Well that turned into a friggin essay all to finally get to the point. When I go into labor which could be any time in the next 8 weeks if he is not home I am going to call him and if he doesnt answer or call back (in the case he actually is at work) I am very much considering on just going to the hospital alone and not informing him until whenever he shows back up. If I know he is out partying or that he is recovering from partying within the last 2 days I will not even notify him until after he shows back up and if he shows up while we are in the hospital I will have him removed. Is this wrong? Should I try harder to notify him (unless I know he is messed up)?