God parent and friendship question
***Please do not write anything mean this is a sensitive topic and this is the only place i can ask about it without the other person involved reading it. :)
I have a friend, we’ve been friends over a decade. I met my husband through her husband (they have been friends 25 years). My husband and i had a baby in June. I asked my friend to be her god mother. I am Jewish and do not have god parents, my husband was adopted out of foster care and doesn’t have them either. I have a small family and love my friend, i thought it was a great way to grow My daughters family and include someone special to me to be more than just a “friend we call aunt”.
My husband and i were talking about who would get our child if something were to happen to us and wanted to create our will. He is very persistent on this since he was in foster care twice because of his parents passing at a young age. We decided we would leave our daughter with his biological sister.
When my friend found out she was upset as she thought she would be getting my daughter. I explained the honorary role and apologized for the confusion. Things were a little awkward but resolved.
Flash forward, my husband wants to start looking for a house, wants to find one fast and has all these “plans” bla bla bla. I just had a baby so I’m like 🤷♀️.
My friend is a teacher and a realtor on the side. She’s been doing it for two years. My husband doesn’t want to use her. We went back and forth on it a lot but with the adjustment of a new baby, which i was already struggling with and arguing with my husband about why he wants to go with someone else. I decided i would tell my friend myself my husband didn’t want to use her. His reasons being about the VA loan and wanting someone specialized with it? and he said he overpaid for his car and thinks about it every time he gets into it, if something were to go wrong he didn’t want to think of my friend every time he came home from work. He didn’t want it to mess up my friendship. Even if she did everything she thought was right, he would be upset and he didn’t want to be upset with her.
My friend didn’t take it well at all. I honestly expected her to be upset but it turned into a tornado. She sent me long messages about how there is no friendship and I’m not loyal. She said she wasn’t the god mother anymore and that everyone she talked to about it thinks she should be getting my daughter.
When i told her it’s what my husband wants and tried to tell her I’m sorry and i didn’t want to lose her as a friend over this. She told me I’m weak and following a man, that I’m a big girl and i don’t need him to buy a house.
The storm has settled quite a bit but there is still underlying tension. Do we talk about it? Do i drop it and we go to once being close to acquaintances? I’m upset my child lost a god mother, i don’t want to ask someone else and now my future children don’t get it either.
I guess, since I’m not Christian, my question is would you have thought you were going to be legal guardians if you were asked to be a godparent? Or would you expect a separate discussion for that?
And the realtor part, i know it’s mixed some people it would upset, some won’t work with family or friends. I’m just in such a shitty position with it all. It felt good to put it out there finally.