BEAUTIFUL LADIES!

Im venting tonight. I spotted today. We have been ttc for a lengthy amount of time now. I am at the point of giving up... I was... I got on this app today and got so upset. I got so mad bc i am on this app which helped me better track my ovulation and menstrual. Its pretty darn accurate. I was mad bc it gave me a pretty accurate ovulation time and menstrual cycle time... Accuarte enough to know im on my period. Im not pregnant... Ugh! I was so upset. Getting BFN. I was mad bc i BD when Glow said so. I thought if i get this app I'll make a baby tomorrow lol... Its not the apps fault. I knew that. I just wanted to blame someone or something else other than me. Ive blamed ME for so long. Im a woman! My one most amazing "function" is to be able to create life. And I cant do it!!..... I did though. Once. I made my beautiful daughter whos now 5. But i was told the older i get, the harder it was to concieve. I was 26 when i had my sweet Emily. Im 32 on 8/8. I told myself at 26 that I was ok with the fact i would only be able to concieve once, I wanted only one anyhow.

Boy was i wrong!

Though my daughter is my world, my everything, im still me. I still want and desire one more. One more tiny sweet baby in my arms. A brother or sister for my first baby to hold and grow up with....... But, i feel like i can't. My body has given up. The one thing my body is suppose to do naturally, it cant. Im a failure. Im suppose to be able to make life. I did. But now i cant. I cant give my baby girl a sibling. I cant give my husband a son or another daughter. Im SUPPOSE to be "equipped" for this! WTF happened??!!? Why can't I make a baby??? What am i doing wrong??!-... I guess im venting bc. I read about you ladies everday. And though i dont know you... I truly feel you're pain. I can truly empathize AND sympathize. We are suppose to be able to create life. And sometimes... Some of us cant Now... anymore, or just not for awhile. We hurt. We feel like our bodies failed us. Or worse ... We failed. We failed as women. But, truth is... We didnt fail! We are all here, together. We are fighting. If we dont reproduce "naturally", its okay. We can adopt. We can use other methods. Yes, we all or maybe some, want "our blood". But it doesn't always happen like that. We didnt fail. We didnt do anything wrong. We are women who want to be strong mommies to grow up other strong litlle people in this world. Truth is. I wanted to give up tonight after seeing so many; too many negatives. But after really reading and seeing so many amazing, strong, beautiful women on this app going through hard or much harder times than me and fighting still.. And yet, some giving up...well it made me want to post this. You are not alone. I hurt. I feel like a failure. I want to give up sometimes. I hate what i see in the mirror but at the same time i love it and never would change me.

There's so much more i could say. I could probably relate to almost all of you! But that would make for an even longer vent lol. But if you've read this to the end... I put a link to Rachael Platten "Fight Song" Listen to this song read the lyrics. Even though im more into older blues. Not mainstream. I love this one. It made me feel better and strong. Dont give up. Lets dance or baby dance to our "Fight Song" and say FUCK OFF to the ones who dont believe in us!😀