I had my first serious boyfriend at 15, I had just met him 2 weeks before and he kept begging me to date him, just constant nagging until I gave in. He was one of my friend’s brothers. He had just broken up with his ex very recently. He obsessed over her, constantly spoke bad about her and wasn’t going to school because of the breakup. Yet at the same time was still pestering me to date him. I didn’t understand that these were huge red flags. I gave in to dating him. The day of a Halloween party. I told him he could come with me. He said no.

I had been depressed for about 2 years at that point and I had started drinking that year. Before the party, I lost my motivation to go but everyone was telling me I should just go so I still went. My best friend was with this guy she was sorta dating and his best friend was all over me. From the beginning of the night, I told this guy I had a boyfriend and I wasn’t interested. He kept giving me drinks of 151 and I kept taking them because every time I drank, I wanted to drink until I forgot that I hated being alive. So I kept drinking and even once I passed the point of feeling good, I kept drinking. We were in my best friend’s boyfriend’s hotel room and there were a lot of people and this one guy named Jimmy told her he would watch out for me. Everyone left except my best friend, her guy and the guy’s best friend. He pushed me on one of the beds and tried to take off my clothes. I told him no. I clearly remember fighting his hands off of me. I told him to leave me alone many times. He said he’ll leave me alone if I kiss him. So I did. He didn’t leave me alone. He pushed further. I ran to the bathroom to throw up. He followed me and closed the door. Still asking me to kiss him even though I am CURRENTLY throwing up. There are many blank spots in between all of this for me so idk what else happened but I was still a virgin. That’s when my best friend came to the bathroom door checking on me. And we left soon after that.

Anyway, so he had sent some friend there to spy on me who told him I was all over some guy and he held this over me for our entire relationship. He even stole my phone and texted my best friend pretending to be me like a year later asking her “do you remember what happened between me and that guy at that Halloween party?” And she said that I was making out with him all night or something and he went off. As usual.

Anyway so I lost my virginity to him 2 months in. I consented but then I wanted to him to stop but I didn’t express that so I take responsibility for that. He then made me have sex with him the very next day although I was still in pain. He told me that condoms hurt him so he can’t wear them. I believed him. He made me have sex with him the day after that as well. Throughout our relationship, he would tell me I’m a horrible girlfriend and cry and yell if I said I didn’t want to have sex. There were multiple times where I was crying the whole time and he did not care.

He used to get mad at me if guys looked at me, God forbid they speak to me. He got mad at me when I got contacts because he wanted me to wear glasses. He wouldn’t allow me to get medication for my depression but I got some natural meds and he got so pissed. Some guy I don’t even know messaged me saying hi and he threw my phone at me and just missed my face, it shattered on the wall behind and sprayed my back with glass shards. He then made me lie to my mom and say I dropped it. He got mad at me for some other bs reason and was punching the floor next to where I was laying and punched my leg. He said it was an accident, he said he didn’t even remember doing it. I believed him. We were arguing at his house one time and his mom said I should probably just leave him. And I tried to leave and he grabbed me and bruised my arms.

He was constantly cheating on me and constantly accusing me of cheating. I wasn’t allowed to talk to guys. I took a picture with two of my guys friends and he was livid.

He made me reject an offer to study overseas for a summer because I was leaving him alone. He said he didn’t go on a family Christmas trip (that I told him to go on) because of me so I need to do the same for him. I believed him. My best friend was taking me on a trip to Alaska with her family for my birthday. He told me I couldn’t go. Everyone was angry at me because I was saying I wasn’t going to go. I was angry as well but I was scared. Eventually I got the courage to go. He was angry. He told me I had to message him every day and tell him everything that happened. I agreed.