I can’t wait to be pregnant again. But also scared as hell

Hello there whoever is reading this. My name is Brittney if i am pregnant again this will be my third baby. When i was pregnant for the first time i was 110 pounds i gained five pounds so when i had my first son i was 115 i was told i was perfect or gained at least 120. So i can be ten pounds in my pregnancy and i was in California i passed my glucose level testing. When i moved here to Ohio i got pregnant again with another baby boy. I was 120 pounds than i failed my glucose level test twice the same month. My first one was at April 11 2018 i just failed i got again April 17 2018 i failed again it was worse i puked eight times i was dizzy and weak and burning up in my stomach felt like i swallowed fire 🔥 in my stomach and my head was spinning like i had a terrible hangover and i was shaking and uncomfortable. I got upset with myself they told me 34 weeks i had gestational diabetes. I was 136 pounds than i gained 15 pounds i was told i was obese i am 4’11 Than my midwife told me to keep my sugars low i was trying everything no more honey bunch of oats and no watermelon 🍉. It had too much sugar in it than my midwife tells me at 35 weeks if this doesn’t stop my unborn son will die inside of me. I’m here freaking out even more i almost starving myself I’m afraid i eat more I’ll kill him. So i was getting serve panic attacks and than the hospital told me to do a cat scan because i was really bad chest pains going into my arm

And shoulder than the dr tells me i have a blood clot in my right lung it’s life or death i had to take a cat scan I’m 33 weeks pregnant with my son they tell me they are not 💯 sure if my baby boy will make it and the lady who did the cat scan said she didn’t know I’m beyond more freaking out three hours later he says to me it could be a really really bad cause of heartburn it can make you feel like your having an heart attack . Gee my life here in this town keeps getting better and better. NOT! I’m overwhelmed and over stress out hopefully i can do another vaginal birth. I was 132 pounds when I gave birth. I’m so stressed out by the hospital and the clinic and my dad and my baby daddy and ex fiancé. I couldn’t breathe i felt like i was not meant for another baby like i got punished for wanting to get pregnant again. He survived and I. I got this medicine for people who have gestational diabetes when they are expecting it started with a M.Took it for two weeks than my water broke at 4:00pm in June 19 had him at 11:35am at June 20. Thankfully for another vaginal birth he was six pounds five oz and 19 inches long. Chase Elijah Tobias was 37 weeks and 3 days . My difficulty pregnancy but he was worth it. Again i wanna get pregnant again but hopefully another better like i had with my oldest son Logan James Noah. At April 07 2016 at six pounds nine oz & 19 inches long vaginal Birth he was 38 weeks & 2 days. So fingers crossed 🤞🏻 my third pregnancy will be a lot better and healthier.