On December 5th, 2017, I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks and 5 days. I was in labor for 2 day, and on December 7th I gave birth to a beautiful, stillborn, baby boy. I had him via emergency c-section, so I was asleep when they done it. When I woke up, the first thing I ask the nurse was "where is my baby". I asked her 3 times and every time she told me to wait for the doctor to come in and explain. I knew it the first time she told me to wait for the doctor, I'm not stupid, I knew when I didnt see him when I woke up. My son didnt make it. No one wants to tell someone that though. So I laid there, on that cold table wondering why my baby had been taken away from me. I wondered why I was only giving 24 short weeks to feel him grow, but never get to watch him grow up. I wondered what I could have done differently so he'd still be here with me today. I blamed myself every day for a long time because it was my body that messed up, my cervix that couldn't hold up and didnt know what to do, me that couldn't push hard enough the first night to get him out. I felt as though I could've done things differently, but I couldn't. What was done, was done. The beautiful baby that I had eagerly waited the arrival of, was gone and there was nothing I could do about it.

There's so many people that have gone through tragic things like this. Stillbirths, miscarriages, and infant deaths happen more than most people know. The reason for that is no one wants to talk about it and most dont want to listen to it. Most people, at the very mention of a baby that isnt alive, freak out and start to babble about how sorry they are for your loss but they dont want to see your baby and the dont want to talk about it. I had asked someone if they wanted to see my son one time, she told me how that was wrong of me and that I should never ask someone that. Mothers and fathers who lose children should never be told things like that. We have went through so much pain already, we dont need other people telling us those things. I love my baby and I'm proud of him, myself, and my boyfriend. We made a beautiful baby and I want to show him off. I absolutely hate feeling like it's wrong to talk about my baby or show people pictures of him. But that's just the way things are, and it's awful.

Moms, you did a great job sometimes things like this happen and we cant fix it. You're still an amazing woman and mother!

Fathers, thank you for being by our sides during the difficult labor, miscarriage, whatever your girlfriend or wife went through. You have no idea what it meant to us to know that you were there for us. Also we haven't forgotten that you're hurting to.

So to all you mothers and fathers out there who have lost children, I'm so very sorry and I'm here for anyone who wants to talk.

This is my son, Zayden. 💙

Let's see your beautiful children, everyone. 😇

I would also like to thank all of you for a safe place to share these pictures and talk about our children.