First of all, I have to say that my birth did not go at all how I planned.

I woke up around 2am on October 14th 2018 with some uncomfortable lower back pain. I got up and went to go to the bathroom and I was completely wired. I was suddenly wide awake and didn’t feel like I could go back to sleep.

I made myself a cup of red raspberry leaf tea and a cheese sandwich to nibble on, trying to relax enough so that I could get a few more hours of sleep. I tried to lay down and sleep but I never did get any more rest. A few hours later, around 5am, I went to the bathroom again and I noticed that when I wiped my urine was tinged pink. I was also still having that pesky back pain also so I decided to text our doula and mention it to her. She told me to call the OB and let him know.

I called our OB and said it sounded like very early labor starting and to stay hydrated and rest and to call him if anything progressed but it could still be a few days before anything really substantial happened. So I got off the phone and tried my best to relax and drink as much water as I could.

An hour later, around 6am, I started having light contractions. They started in my back and worked their way around my torso and then released. I woke my husband up to let him know and hopped in the shower, trying to relax. Hubby did the dishes and straightened up a few last minute things just incase.

Three hours later at 9am, I was having consistent contractions lasting over a minute long at less than 3 minutes apart. I also felt a small leaking going on and I thought my water had broken slightly. I called our OB and he said to come on in and get checked out. I called our doula to meet us and we were on our way to the hospital!

It didn’t take long for us to get admitted. I was 3cm dilated and 90% effaced when they got me into a room! By now it was around 10:30am.

I labored naturally until around 3pm when they started having a hard time picking up my baby’s heart rate on the monitors. They asked me to lay in bed so they could try and get an accurate reading. This is when chaos began. I was perfectly fine laboring as long as I could more around freely and do my thing. As soon as they strapped me down into the bed, my contractions went from a 4 to a 100. I was in so much pain, trying to stay relaxed and breathe like I knew I could but I was not doing well in the bed. I needed to move but I couldn’t.

After about an hour of laboring miserably and I do mean miserably with nitro gas, I finally broke and asked the doctor for an epidural. My husband and doula both agreed that it was best as I was likely restricted to the bed and was in an extreme amount of pain from not being able to move. The anesthesiologist came in to get me set up and then got called out on an emergency so I had to wait one long miserable half hour for my epidural. I felt like I was going to die, I was in so much pain. My husband and doula are my heroes. They were both great!

The anesthesiologist came in and finally gave me an epidural. I instantly started to relax and had about fifteen minutes of comfort until our OB came in and told me that they still couldn’t get a good reading on our baby’s heart rate. Her heart was stable but her heart rate was not fluctuating like it should and it had been going on for awhile. Our OB wanted us to go ahead and have a c section. He thought our baby was in distress.

This is not at all the birth I wanted. It is not at all what I pictured. I wanted to have my baby naturally. I wanted her immediately put on my chest with my husband next to me, kissing my forehead and falling in love with his daughter like in the movies. That’s not what happens.

Instead they hooked me up for a c section and wheeled me away to the operating room. I couldn’t stop shaking violently the whole time it was happening. By the time my husband came into the room, I was throwing up all over one of the nurses in the operating room. I felt like I was in my own personal hell. The only thing keeping me sane was my husband talking me through it and the thought of holding my daughter.

At 5:07pm, Charlee was born. She had swallowed some meconium on her way out and was having a hard time breathing so they showed her to us for a few seconds and whisked her away.

The next hour and a half was awful. They stitched me up and brought me to a recovery room where I continued to shake involuntarily until I was finally able to calm myself down. My husband went to be with our baby and make she she was okay. By the time he came back to check on me, I was in much better spirits. I was getting small amounts of feeling back in my toes and they were finally going to let me go in and meet my daughter.

I instantly relaxed as soon as they put her on my chest. It was a day of pure hell and lots of disappointment but I am now a Mom. A have a sweet baby girl and she is all mine. (And my husband’s)

This is Charlee. She was born on October 7th 2018 via c section. She weighs 7 pounds and 0.02oz. She is 19 and a half inches long and is currently still in the special care nursery for some minor complications. She is off of oxygen now and will hopefully be joining us in our room sometime tomorrow. This is not the story I wanted. But it’s the story of how I became a mom.