Morning after, or not...?

Well, I already know there are going to be repercussions for this post but I need a little back up to work out the kinks in my mind.

I'm 28, financially stable and not yet committed to the man I've been seeing, but this morning I was going to make him a pancake decorated to ask him "will you be my captain?"

He has been incredibly understanding and taking things at my pace, not pushing for a relationship, but eager for one with me. As I am with him, but I wanted to let it fall into place with the right timing.

Last night we had some romance in the bedroom and shared an orgasm, active and consentual participants in the "risky" choice- he ejaculated inside me.

Here is where it gets tough, he has a 3 year old and when she came as a surprise to him, he and his daughters mother were under the impression this couldn't medically happen on both of their parts. From her perspective- unlikely she could carry for mesical reasons, from his perspective- invalid specimen because his count was too low.

Here's my dilemma, I want to be a mother badly and Im feeling the strain of time fall on my back. He isn't ready for another child yet, and says he wants to do it right next time by being married first (he had a nuclear family structure growing up, i didnt.) But I'm not entirely sold on that making it "the right way" to have a child.

I could go right now, and get plan B to resolve the question of "will i get pregnant?"

Or

I could wait to see if my cycle starts (today i am at high probability at 38% on my ovulation chart)

Am I really ready, or am I just telling myself that because I want what I want? For most people, it's never a "good" time to have a baby. Having children is so much more than the picture is ever painted as.

Is it wrong to not want to take that pill?

Or should I out of respect for his choice and say in the matter as well?

I should note, I hate birth control and how it affects my body, i prefer not to take it for a reason, so I track my cycle instead and find it to be better choice for me. But I really don't want to take this pill.

Should I because it would be the respectful choice? Or should I duke it out, and see what his sperm count has to say?

---------------------------------

UPDATE

I decided to take the plan B, out of concern that if I needed to question it and revisit the possibility so much, now is likely not the right opportunity.

What I hate most is how it hits me in the hormones, i swear it fucks up my natural state of being. I haven't been very touchy or compassionate, which is my natural state of being at all times.

Possibly just the result of having to do this a second time, but oh boy I am simply just not feelin' my dude lately. I don't want to be touched, i don't want to kiss him or be affectionate. I'd rather just hang out platonically lately. Not even sexually attracted to him at the moment.

I'm thinking it's a combination of how i can't get his initial reaction to the first scare we had (panic attack) out of my head and ovulation has passed. I understand, and i want to let it go, but it hurt to see someone panic over my body and their mistake and just about ask if they could trust me to take care of the situation.

*shrugs*

I hope it comes back to me, because he is surely a dream catch. Just wish my give-a-fuck meter could get on board.