I’m 17 weeks pregnant, and for the past 2 months or so, I’ve realized I don’t have romantic feelings for my boyfriend anymore. I still love him, but it’s more of a “father of my child” kind of love, not the kind of love where I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

We lived together in our own apartment from March til the beginning of October, we moved out because my doctor advised me to stop working due to a high risk pregnancy, and he has refused to get any kind of job since we’ve been together (11 months), so we didn’t have the money to pay rent anymore. I now live with my parents and he lives with his grandmother 45 minutes away. He’s extremely irresponsible and immature, and has no goals or aspirations for the future. I’m a very goal oriented person and always have been, and I don’t want to feel like I’m being held back because my partner doesn’t want to grow up and move forward.

I’ve realized that I’ve come to sort of resent him for not being more of an adult. Example: he gets SSI and got $850 dollars on the 1st. I asked him if we could save $90 to get my elective ultrasound. He said yes and I was super excited. I made the appointment for the coming Saturday. Thursday morning I asked how much money he still had and he called his card and said he only had $60. I asked him how the hell he went through $790 in 5 days. He said he spent “a little bit” on his computer game, roblox, which is meant for teenagers. I knew there was no possible way he only spent a little bit, so I called his card and listened to the transactions. He spent over $450 on different outfits for his character. I was obviously livid and very upset and crying and explained to him that he’s going to be a dad in just a few short months and he spends his money so irresponsibly, and that can’t happen with a baby here.

Another thing is his family isn’t the greatest. Most of his family members are in jail or prison, and the vast majority of the ones who aren’t are extremely bad people. I’m talking selling pills, buying drugs instead of taking care of their children, etc. Just recently his 17 year old brother was running from the police due to charges for first degree robbery, second degree criminal possession of a weapon, and 4th degree grand larceny, as well as an array of other charges. I obviously didn’t want any part of his escape or hiding, and my boyfriend was extremely pissed off at me for refusing to give his brother a ride to his friends house to hide.

He’s just all around immature, irresponsible, childlike, and not my type. I didn’t realize any of these things or the things about his family until well into our relationship. I’ve decided that I 100% don’t want to be with him, but still want to give him a chance at being a dad. The issue is, he’s very manipulative and every time I’ve tried to end things, he manipulates me into coming back. Also, I’m afraid for my safety if I truly end things with him, his family is very dangerous and spiteful. I guess what I want advice on is the best way to go about breaking up with him without sounding like a massive bitch. I know it’s always best to end a relationship in person, but I genuinely don’t think it’s a good idea for me or my baby for me to be around him when I do it. And I’m just honestly not sure of what I should say. I don’t want to live like this forever, I want to find real, true love and this just isn’t it.

Please don’t be rude about this, I understand I’ve let this go too far and that my choices have probably caused all of this, but I don’t know how to go about this and just want some advice. I know it sounds stupid but I have really bad anxiety and have since I was young, and this is causing me a great deal of worry and stress.