Posted this somewhere else too so I'm sorry if you see it twice!
Help! This is a really long post but I need some advice!
I honestly don't know how to confront my mother in law and it's stressing me out.
I've been with my partner for 7 years now and my relationship with his mum was really bad at the start, we hated each other for at least a year but then we both grew up and accepted that we would be in each other's lives. Since then things had been great! We actually became very close and I'm grateful for it, but now after all this time a new issue has appeared.
My MIL has been with her current boyfriend about 2/3 years and he is about 15+ years her senior and has a very old fashioned opinion on things, including foreigners and race/religion and sexuality. I have dark skin, my mother is white and my dad is black and comes from an Anglo Indian background amongst other regions, and my future children will more than likely have some colour to them. He and my partners family are all white. He slipped up once and used the n word around me and my amazing fiancee literally exploded and had a full on argument about that kinda language around me, but also around his younger sisters who are 5 and 8. Since then he has kept his mouth pretty much shut but sometimes the odd comment will slip out.
The other day over dinner my fiance was at his mum's for tea time and I was at home, and he came back and told me that she had some very uneducated things to say about people of colour and even used the term 'Tina's lot' to group them together (I'm Tina btw) and then went on to insinuate that she doesn't like being around them when they speak their language (Indian) because she doesn't know what they are 'plotting'.
Earlier on in the year I confronted her on something she had published on Facebook about foreigners that hurt me because it was a direct attack on my family's culture and I stood up for myself, as did my partner. I was very harsh and blunt with her but I educated her better and hoped she would see things in a different light but after this week I just don't know what to do. I'm no stranger to racism, but I don't want to raise my future children around a woman who hates the type of people they will belong to, and I'm also scared her young daughters will grow up to have those same thoughts and opinions.
Any advice on how to approach her? It's actually keeping me up at night because I don't know what I can do or say that I haven't said or done before that will make her see how much it hurts.