Heartbroken

I was planning on beginning TTC with a donor in January or February to hopefully be pregnant by July. Today o was supposed to meet with him and hash out the details and come up with a game plan. When we were texting to solidify a time to meet he told me he didn't feel comfortable being my donor. I told him I understood and respected his decision and didn't press for more details. And I do understand and respect his decision, but I'm so heartbroken. I just want to be a mother, I put it off for other people and I finally decide to do it for me and I've hit so many obstacles before I've even begun trying, from being diagnosed with PCOS to this, and a dozen other things. It's like the universe is just giving me one big middle finger after another. I'm so despondent and I dont really know how to cope.