IS IT FINE TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?

A male friend of mine who is a professional counselor wrote an in-depth and comprehensive article concerning this subject in perspective.

Leave comments below or further give details if in case you will want to reach him.

Written by Aiden Wesley:

So many people have this misperception that, coition or the act of sexual intercourse, especially before marriage, is a snare, a sin or ethically indecorous.

When in actual fact, this subject in teaching, has been badly misinterpreted, misrepresented and misapplied with so much falsehood in misunderstanding of its true context to such an extreme that, I consider such assertions as bogus/invalid, and which within the principles of conventional morality and religious opinionated views, one is smeared with the mud of name-calling such as being unholy (in the religious theorem) and as being promiscuous (in the moral societal high ground of accepted sexual behaviours).

However, I consider to define and to redefine sex before marriage (pre-marital sex) as “a condition of life experiment in the improvement of human sexual development, which enforces learning.”

Sex is an activity of a knowledge process by which we evolve to not only satisfy our curiosity about how sex feels or what sex is, but we are also well-able to make progress on areas that we fail in our sexual exercises prior to marriage, than not engage in sex before marriage and end up becoming a complete failure in the dynamics of sex.

And I will explain:

There is this friend who narrated an embarrassing story to me, concerning how that, prior to his marriage, family and religious beliefs, did not allow for him to touch the now wife, till they were married.

Now, after their marriage on their honeymoon, and it got to the time where he was to play the sexual game, he realized that, he came or ejaculated too quickly in less than a minute, in utmost surprise to himself and displeasure of his wife.

According to him, he thought this was a onetime occurrence of a situation, till he decided to try having sex another time, and again, within three minutes, he had ejaculated all over the place. Later, he was medically diagnosed of premature-ejaculation, and as I type these words, he is still battling this health issue in as much as he is on periodic medication.

But the truth of the matter is that, sex before marriage helps you to better understand and to solve sexual problems and other bodily issues before you even enter to think about marriage. And with this, I speak no lie.

One client told me of how prior to her marriage, she was involved sexually with a man, who on their first intimate encounter, wanted to lick her private part, only for him to lose his erection instantly he went down low.

And when the man stood on his feet, she realized his countenance had changed, only for the man to speak softly into her ears that: “Babe, it’s not as if I don’t want to lick you, but there is an unfamiliar stranger down there. Just handle it okay? Sorry but I can’t do this now”

She did not understand his wordplay by that insinuation of there being a “stranger” in her vagina. But the very moment she thought deeper into what transpired and wanted to know what exactly he meant by the use of that noun, she put a finger in her vagina and brought it close to her nose, and the answer was too clear. She had a vaginal infection which unknown to her, made her private part smelly.

She told me of how supportive the man was, during the times of finding treatment to herself. And even though she had sex with the man eventually and on countless occasions, certain unexplained circumstances broke them apart, in the end, what mattered the most was that, she was able to find out an unpleasant situation about herself, and to cure herself prior to marrying another man.

This is what I mean to say, in addressing this issue that, having sex before marriage is an occasion of learning. And if in times past, my male friend was able to have had consensual sex with the girlfriend before their marriage proceedings, he would have found ways and means to cure himself and not enter into marriage to begin the process of treatment, which if you ask me, is a total waste of time.

And the dangerous thing about this whole situation is that, how sure are you that, your marital partner will be fully supportive in being faithful to not give up on you, in your effort to find lasting solutions to your sexual challenges/weaknesses?

There are people who upon realizing how bad you are when it comes to sex, or even in detecting a weakness about you, either give up on you or abandon you to solve your own personal issues.

“I mean, of what good is marriage when one is very poor in bed and cannot fully satisfy you sexually?”

That is why some move out of their marital homes, to explore other options skilled in the art and mastery of sex and erotism.

I hear of women who say “I want a man who is very good in bed” – but the question is, how can a man become good in bed without having the requisite physical experience?

Do you think it just comes by the acquisition of mere knowledge to perform that effectively without series of sexual involvements?

The problem is this. So many people are so inexperienced and naïve when it comes to practical sexual intercourse, and a whole lot of people believe that, it is when they marry that, they have to start learning how to make love or how to have sex. But then, this in majority of cases that I personally know of and about, does not apply at all, in marital affairs.

And to some extent, I have an issue with the system of education, because universal education teaches one how to make money in the business world or working environment per one’s profession; but it does not teach the practicality and the skill of love making or having sex.

Which then makes sex, a self-taught education, by experimentation, where you gain “applied” experience, but the very moment, sex becomes common theory, you then are defining one who is a virgin (a novice/rookie).

To mean that having knowledge about something; and having practical experience concerning that same thing, stand on two different spectrum.

Now, people try to think for GOD, and put words in the mouth of GOD, by concocting doctrinal belief systems and ideologies which pin one down to think that sex before marriage is sacrilegious.

But morality is not the same as sin. Morality or ethics are values and norms that society, foists on your person as a general accepted rule of law, but which gives you freedom and does not bind you to any control, unless you allow it.

Which makes having sex and not having it before marriage, an individual decision which has nothing to do with any mandatory religious law or obligatory demand.

Come to think of this - Would you then tell me that, the first Homo-sapiens or primitive man, knew about marriage or sex before marriage?

Everything that the primitive man learned, was by the use of his conscience in learning to improve upon practical failures.

So, if you are okay and you see nothing wrong with their method of development or evolution, how then are you able to see wrong in people having sex before marriage; or maybe you can tell me that, the primitive man had a god somewhere who was dictating the pace of their system of transition?

The real truth is that, when GOD creates, HE allows for the creatures to evolve, and that is what is known as civilization.

However, who would say that, how to have sex or how to please a woman, is taught by GOD?

Just think about it. (That’s just by the way)

Statistically, nine out of ten marital relationships, have either the man or the woman, having gotten sexually involved with others before marriage.

That is why men or women, are quick to make comparison of their partners to a once upon a time “Ex” who is a better performer at sex than their present husbands or wives.

Why do you think that, even with some women, while their husbands are making love to them, they unconsciously mention names of other men either verbally or in their minds, before they can have an orgasm?

Please don’t mistake my explanation of having sex before marriage as pulling your pants to get into any person at all. That makes you irresponsible and loose.

What I mean to say here is that, when two people who love each other, come together as one, and both families know of their relationship to accept the both as marriage materials, there is no wrong in getting to know each other sexually.

At times, people hide and cover certain unseen characteristics or features