Friend got a tattoo of my baby after I asked her not to- and then I lost my daughter.


So, my daughter was born 11 weeks early. 2.5 months in the NICU. It's been a very difficult ride from the very beginning. 2 weeks after she came home from the hospital was the (belated) baby shower. My best friend met my daughter the once at the baby shower, for about an hour.

Soul crushingly, 2 weeks later (this past week), my daughter was a victim of SIDS. She stopped breathing completely in my arms. CPR was performed for 18+ minutes before they got her heart beating again. She was flighted to a big hospital an hour away. About 27 hours later, the doctor pronounced my 14 week old daughter brain dead. They had to take her off of the ventilator. She died in my arms... again.

When we were at the hospital overnight, I called my best friend. She's not a very emotional person, but I didn't know who else to call. She then announces to me that as soon as she found out my daughter was at the hospital, she ran out to get a tattoo of my daughter's first and middle name on her arm. She even stated that she knew I'd be mad, because we've had this conversation before.

I'm upset. I feel like a boundary was crossed. If anyone is going to run out and get a tattoo of our daughter's name, I'd think it should be the parents. My friend has a plan for full sleeves of tattoos, and I don't want someone asking her in 15 years who that name is. I know how she refers to things, and no doubt in my mind her answer will be "my friends baby. She's dead. *shrug*". This is hard enough to go through without her viewing my baby as a fashion statement. Especially after she already asked if I was okay with it, and I said no. And spending time with her will be very difficult while staring at the tat.

This is also not the first time she's crossed a line about my daughter. We hadn't announced that I was even pregnant, and just hours after my daughter was born and sent to the NICU, my friend decides to post on social media about the birth of her "niece" with incorrect details, and one of my ultrasounds. She was the only other person other than my parents and hubby that even knew I was pregnant.

I'm not really sure what I should do. Should I just distance myself for a while? Should I tell her how I feel and ask her to get it covered up? She has the money. She knew how I felt about it beforehand. I know it's her body, but this just makes me really uncomfortable and upset. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?