I feel hopeless

I was 9 weeks pregnant, but I didn't know until the day I went to the clinic. I was very confused about how many weeks I had, because I took two tests in September but they both were negative. So I was thinking that I may got pregnant in September, but I didn't wanted to confirmed it with an ultrasound yet. I was sure if I see the baby I wasn't be able to do the abortion.

I wasn't ready to be a mom yet, and I experienced a lot of panic attacks. I thought I was been safe the whole time, we were using condoms. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to have a baby, so this was very shocking for me. My bf wanted to keep the baby, but I was so confused, we were in a unstable financial situation.

On the hand, I get sick very easily. Exactly a year ago, I experienced a pneumonia that I nearly got over. I took me 6 months. So my inmune system is very week and I have some other conditions that put my pregancy in high risk. So I felt that I wasn't going to have a healthy pregnancy.

So we talked about it A LOT. We didn't wanted to do it, but deep down it felt like the wise decision. And I was experience some very painful cramps and bleeding, so I even thought that the baby wasn't ok. But I wait for the ultrasound at the clinic and there was my baby. I can stop crying since then, I just want my baby back.