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TTC but now problems in marriage
I'm so upset right now. My husband came home from work and I wanted to rent a movie on ondemand. He told me he didn't want to watch that movie and I joked around saying but you made me watch a dumb movie last week. Just trying to get him to say okay we can watch it. Instead he "jokes" and says well I pay the bills so no. I don't find that as a joke. Yes he works 2 jobs and I'm a stay at home mom. He wanted me to be a stay at home mom because he didn't want our son in daycare. I do work on Saturdays cleaning summer houses for our realtor. But that money goes into our sons college fund. When I got offended with what he said he said it was a joke an to relax. I asked how belittling me is so funny. Then to make matters worse he insults me by saying in just like my mother. I literally broke down and started crying. I told him how I've been depressed for days and how I keep trying to talk to him an all he does is ignore me. When he comes home from work he plays video games or wants to have sex. I swear that's the only time he gives me any type of attention. I'm making an appointment tomorrow to go back on birth control. I honestly feel like our marriage is in trouble. The longer he can't communicate with me and can't be there for me the more he's pushing me out of this marriage. I now feel terrible about myself. I'm nothing because I'm trying to be a good mom and staying home with our son. Now I feel like I'm a terrible wife and mother. I just don't know what to do. We've been together for almost 4 years I don't want to throw that away. I want to fix our marriage an make it stronger but I can't do that if he isn't willing to talk to me. & every time I try suggest ways to fix our problems he says there is no problems. And I'm making something out of nothing. I took an hour long shower crying because I just don't feel wanted. He fell asleep no problem. Idk why in posting this rant but I just need to get this off my chest :/ I have no one to talk to an it's just making me more depressed