What Would You Do??? (Long Story)

I’m 26 and my husband is 36. We’ve been together 9 years and married for 6. Originally we started out living in his country (in Eastern Europe). I moved there when I was 18. We dated 2 years before getting married and he was mature, educated (he has an engineering degree), had a great job, and was very kind. We were in love and I got along with his family. There were no red flags and he even mentioned at the start of the relationship that he would like to live in the US someday. Our marriage got off to a rocky start because part of our wedding was a disaster, his mother and sister kept interfering, and they wouldn’t leave us alone on our honeymoon. He wouldn’t put his foot down and tell them to give us some space, so I did as nicely as possible. He ended up taking their side, threatened to leave me the first week of marriage, accused me of not loving him, and talked to me the bare minimum for 3 months. I take commitment seriously and he’s the only person I’ve ever been with, so I didn’t want to give up just yet even though I was hurt. Eventually, our family moved on and everything was back to normal. After a few years in his country, I was struggling to find a job even though I’m fluent in the language and he hated his job of 8 years; he tried applying to other ones, but he didn’t get any leads. I suggested moving back to the US because there’s a lot more economic opportunity and I know we have a lot of potential. After all, my family immigrated here from the same country and became very successful. He agreed and said we could come here. Fast forward a couple years and we are in the US. My parents were more than happy to let us stay with them as long as we needed until we get our own place, and said there’s no timeline, so don’t worry. I was working on average 45 hours a week with an occasional 12 hr. Shift; working in a bakery is hard, but I loved my job. I also went to paralegal school at night to further my education and increase my earning potential, plus helped around the house with cooking, cleaning, etc. I was so busy, but I like working hard. The entire time my husband just played Xbox and made every excuse imaginable to not apply himself. He just has a really bad attitude. I understand he is away from home, so I tried to be patient, understanding, and encouraging. When I finally confronted him a year later he got a job 2 days later delivering packages. Fast forward to last March. I got a really good job offer from a certain branch of the military. I talked with a recruiter just to look at my options, but wasn’t 100% committed to it. My husband was so angry. I told him I was going there, so it was not a secret or anything. Before I could tell him about the job, he said it was out of the question, I’m too old, I can’t do it, I’m not strong enough, and is that clear, etc. I then cried in the bathroom for 3 hours while he continued gaming. I tried to approach him again a week later and asked to just hear me out before he says no. I could only get my first point out before he interrupted and took over the conversation again. He said he doesn’t want me to do it because it’s a big commitment and he’s afraid I’m going to cheat (which is out of the question). My only goal right now is to improve my life, accomplish things, and be successful and financially independent. Everyone in my family and friends thought the job is a great opportunity, except him. He also stated the reason he avoided getting a job for so long while I worked my butt off is because he wanted to see if I could make this situation work before he invested himself in it (!!!). He also said he didn’t want to come here anyway and doesn’t think it’s his job to earn money to buy the house, while I do whatever (???). He also likes the silent treatment. When I asked what his plan is if I don’t take the job, he said “just find a better job”. At that point, I tried counseling; I went by myself and he refused to go. This made him madder and he said if I take that job he will lose all his trust and threatened to leave me 2-3 times. I also caught him checking my phone a few times. Finally, I decided to hold off on that job and go ahead and finish school, and just give it extra thought. I didn’t want to make a huge decision when I’m stressed and emotional. Everything was going ok until last week. My husband was mad because he had to work 4 days a week, then do some classes on his days off. He said he was tired and done. He kept complaining and I blurted out “Do you want to be here or not?”. He said no because he doesn’t think our life is better here. I disagree because I worked and will get my 2 year degree next month, while he wasted a lot of time. It’s not going to just fall in your lap. He also brings up the fact that his country is paying couples $10,000 to have 3 kids and that’s something we could’ve done if it wasn’t for me wanting to move here. To me, that is weird and doesn’t sound like a good idea. He was silent for a few days, slammed the door, etc but then acted like everything was totally normal. I keep telling myself to take the job, so I don’t regret it. There are so many benefits: move out on my own again, get my bachelors in accounting paid for, get good paralegal experience, satisfaction of serving my country, plus I grew up around it and love the marine corps, etc. I have no mortgage, no debt, no student loans, no kids, and my car is paid for. I still live at home and am going to school full-time. The main base is 3 hrs from where we live now, so it’s not a drastic move. I have nothing to lose except maybe my marriage, but he said last week he didn’t want to be here in the US anyway. I guess I’m wondering if I should just cut my losses and move forward because I’ve tried everything to make it work and he doesn’t want to be here? Should I just go ahead and take the job anyway? What would you do? I don’t want to just throw in the towel because I do love him, but I also want to be realistic. Sometimes I feel like I’m just dragging around a wet blanket. Im just trying to give it some serious thought before making a decision. I feel like whatever I choose, it will be a major life change, plus what if I never find someone else or I don’t pass the physical, etc. (I’m a chronic overworrier). Also, I come from a military family background and have relatives that joined at 26, so I know I am not too old and anything is possible. It saddens me to say this, but I’m also starting to feel uncomfortable at the idea of later having children with him because he is also pretty careless. He once parked our car with the doors unlocked, windows down, and key in the ignition for example. What if we have kids and need money or something and he just says I’m tired and done? I hate that it’s come to this and I’m just bracing myself for the possible aftermath if I do take the job. He’s never hit me or anything, but he has a bad temper and I’m tired of his attitude, yelling, and angry reactions. The thought of hurting him breaks my heart, but I’m also afraid of being held back or unhappy. Any advice is appreciated.