So I wake up this morning and I see light brown on my underwear. Hour later I wipe pinkish. Already freaking out, but my husband trying to calm me down over messages saying that they told me I might have small bleeding. So I try to calm down but still give a call to midwife.

Then I go to pee and boom - drops of blood with small tiny cloths falling out. I was terrified. In that moment, she called back.

There is a big chance I am having a miscarriage. Still not 100% sure, and depends if bleeding stops and then typical “nothing you did wrong, it’s not your fault bla bla bla.”

I am going to toilet every damn minute trying to wipe and check. On daily pad it is less blood now, but when I pee and wipe there is blood.

I am totally confused. Probably worse part is that I am not home until Friday, and will not see my husband until then. I work, I am

taking care of 2 girls while parents are away. I need to use bike (electric likely). I can’t 100% time rest.

So I am sitting now, confused, scared, hopeful, terrified, questions all over my mind. Is there hope?

This is my first pregnancy, second month of ttc. My husband is trying to calm me down saying if it’s meant to go, means body detected something bad. I am grateful he is trying, I know he is, but it doesn’t help.

I am just trying to still have this small hope. Still don’t know if I should grieve or not. Totally weird feeling.

And here in Sweden, no one will even see you now. “Body will

take care of it if it happens.”

Sorry, just needed to spit it out.