Is God trying to tell me something?
I'm in an abusive relationship with someone I truly love. I have fought to hold us together for a long time. The abuse only happens when I do or say something wrong, but it's unwarranted still. The remainder of our time together is sweet and perfect, but he has a temper. I think a lot of it stems from his childhood. I always always pray when these abusive situations happen. Often times i will drive to a church parking lot and sit in my car yelling and crying to Him. I feel like God is trying to tell me something in these times, but it's unclear to me whether He is telling me to stay strong and He will strengthen my relationship, or whether to just give up. I've gone the first route for years now and nothing changes. I don't desire to give up, because I truly love this man and who we are when he is not taken over by evil. We are planning to get married in two months. What does God want me to do?
I'm almost angry with God because He won't intervene and bring me peace. I don't live perfectly but I try to seek Him out in some way each day. I go to church and Bible study each week and I try to do little things for the less fortunate. I still feel selfish praying for myself. My pain is not comparable to true suffering. I've never looked death in the eye or fought for my family's wellbeing each day. Yet I still feel entitled to happiness and that leaves me with a resounding emotion of selfishness. I want to know what I need to do. I desire to live my life for God. Sometimes I wish he would just spell it out for me. Is He telling me something I haven't been able to interpret yet?