Hotwifing

Me and my bf have recently started becoming part of this lifestyle, I've slept with another man since, had phone sex while I was having sex with my bf, and been sexting and flirting with another men... ever since I slept with this other guy I have been at constant war with myself. I feel like a cheater and I cant belive I did it, but at the same time it was fun and I loved it, I haven't done anything since then due to all the things going through my mind. It's been over a month and my bf says that its lame I haven't done it again. If I wanted to I would but I just want to be with him rn. I guess for my sake, for those who have been part of this lifestyle how often do you sleep with other men? Does your husband or bf ever pressure you? Mine seems to think I'm not confident bc I'm not throwing myself at other men, but I am confident I KNOW any guy will fuck me if I wanted them to. Just would rather have a man chase me. Any advice? Sometimes he won't even fuck me because he wants me to be horny for other guys... which doesnt work just makes me feel less sexy.