So the guy i am exclusive with we have been together 4 years total, seperated 2 yrs out of the 4 but can't seem to stay away from each other. We both agreed at one point to be fully done. And yet we ended up back together. During these 4 years we've lost 3 pregnancies and an adoption. The adoption was hardest lose i think for us. Harder than losing our twins recently and think it was because we were helping out a friend and would be healthy enough ourselves to chase after the little sprout. Yes, the lose of our twins was hard, but it was easier to get through because we did it together even though he's living at his mom n dad's with them and his sister and her 3 kids and gets his daughter from baby momma pretty much every weekend unless she has something to do. And I live in a 2 bedroom townhouse by myaelf.
Well, i found out recently that while we didn't have a title but were still bd-ing he slept with someone that he called his sister and had been friends with for 15+ years after she n her husband (also one of his friends) divorced. I weighed things out for a couple days to figure out a battle plan. During said time i wrote up a Known Donor Agreement, took it to 3 lawyers and all said it was tighter than a ticks backside in winter time and asked if i was a lawyer because of how well it was written. They said Houdini himself couldn't get out of what i wrote. With that giving me some comfort. I sat down with him and discussed the newly found info. He admitted and was 100% honest. He did and it was when we were not "together." Yet when we were not together and i tried to do the same he twisted lose. I handed him his copy and an extra copy to take to a lawyer(to which he will have to pay for bc i also sent it via email to ALL of the free consultations) just through the first page and a half (it's 5 pages long) you could tell he was unsettled by this. I asked him to talk to me about how he was feeling. He said he's unsure about it. That he doesn't know if it is right or not to just be doing that. I pointed out to him it's no different than him walking away from his daughter(which i stopped, whole other story!) He wanted to know if he had to participate in the whole thing. Told him as far as the procedure for
no he didn't other than to give up the baby gravy to make it happen. Asked him how does he feel it is not right to "just let it go". Told him, again it's like us bd-ing just with extra help, and yes there will be limitations as to what he can and cannot do as far as being a parent to this child(ren). Only because it states so in the agreement. He then brought up well what if i want rights? I told him to read on because there's a loop for him to have rights(means he would have to marry me) but if all points of the agreement and prenup were not met. Everything would be null n void and go back to the way it was before.
Since he got the agreement and a lot of truths came out. I've spent time with friends and family, work, church, gym. Been getting my place set for the holidays. He's been fairly distant. We talked tonight as to where we stand. He says we are exclusive(people take this differently, so here's our definition - we are not dating, hanging out with, talking to, flirting with, being sexual, etc. with anyone other than each other.) If that is the case. . . here is where i am confused. He won't commit 100% but at the same time when asked for a gift that has protection for both me AND him. . .he gets up tight and distant. He's even asked me why have the KDA if we are actively trying. I honestly thought i was the only one wanting anything out of this! Again! An other part that is confusing!! He wants a family with me but won't commit!! I keep up with the push(pray until something happens) but one can only pray so much! Opinions? Thoughts?