Depressed...

This Friday, I’m going to try to get my health insurance back. Ever since I had worked two jobs I always made too much for state insurance (Maryland) but made too little to find plans that were reasonable. Hopefully now that I am only working one job, crappy pay, I’ll be able to get health insurance again. I kept saying I was going to wait until I found out that I was pregnant. But we have tried for a year and I haven’t gotten pregnant. My last af was in September. Nothing in October. We’re now almost half way through November and still nothing. pregnancy tests are still negative. I have zero symptoms of anything. I’m just wanting af to show so I can get on with life. I’m hoping my cysts didn’t come back (which caused me not to have a period for 5 months when I was 16) but I definitely want to see what’s going on with me. And also check about antidepressants. This year has been a hard one for me. January I was going to leave my SO but decided to stay. We started ttc but was never successful. Af was all sorts of crazy this year. August I made the decision to actually leave my SO. But decided to come back a week later....I’m so depressed. But nobody sees it. I put on a fake smile everyday at work just so nobody, some days are better than others. I can never sleep(as I am writing this at almost 4:30am) I never want to go to work. (A job I absolutely love!) when I’m home I don’t want to do anything. This year with ttc and not getting pregnant really has put a strain on my relationship. My pay decrease put a bigger strain on my relationship. And I have nobody to talk to, not even a best friend anymore because she made the comment I was stupid for getting back with my SO. I can’t even talk to my own family about my issues because they would just tell me “I told you so” or they would say I’m not depressed. I feel like I should go see a therapist just to have someone to talk to....sorry for long post. I just needed to get this off my chest.