TTC #3.... 😩 just needing to vent... sorry

I know it sounds terrible... me trying to conceive for baby number 3 when a lot of women are trying for baby number 1...BUT my husband and I don’t have a child together at all my youngest is 14. I met my husband 10 years ago and we have been trying for a baby for 9 long years. Finally meeting the man of my dreams then, Month after month of feeling like I have let us both down 😖 we have tried metformin and chlomid.... we were able to get pregnant once before the medicines but it ended as a chemical pregnancy.... since then I have had a pacemaker put in and then formed a blood clot so now I’m on blood thinners and thyroid medicine.... the past 6 months I have lost 87 pounds still just hanging on to the hope that we just might get lucky.... he has only ever asked for one child of his own, he has never once complained with raising my children he took them one with no hesitation. I just had a positive ovulation test Friday and Saturday then negative Sunday..... his birthday is next week it would be amazing if I could give him a positive test for his birthday... but after this many years it’s hard to keep up hope. I know people are always like well at least you have two.... I get that but, he has only ever just asked for one. I am just nervous and on the point of giving up anymore I don’t know if I can take another month of disappointment... anyone else have medical issues and feel this way or has had a good outcome after so long? I just need some inspiration of some sort just to be able to hang on to just one ounce of hope..... 😩😩