Ace?? and Confused

Question

Hi guys. I tried to find my answer before posting but I guess I’m just picky.. 
I’m nervous. First post! So here goes:
I’m 22. My entire life I’ve had a high libido, think I’ve been masturbating since 13 lost my virginity at 16 and started dabbling in rougher play pretty soon after. Nothing crazy on the BDSM scale but the heavier choking and some light bondage, a couple of unsuccessful anal experiments over the years of 16-20. I’ve had many sexual and a few romantic relationships. 
I like sex, I still occasionally masturbate or at least mindlessly touch myself. If it gets heavy I HAVE to finish - but if it’s mild petting I’m lazy and don’t care too much. 
Well I’ve been with the same partner for 3 years (officially engaged as of last month!) and he’s stuck by my side through it all. Including the loss of libido. Like one day, it just shut off sometime a year or so ago. And I feel guilty - so once in a while we’ll still have sex. But it’s been a solid year without now. 
He watched porn - I admit to my insecurities but don’t deny him from it since I’m not really around to help out with his sex drive. Although he’s also admitted to not really having a desire to watch porn anymore (past six months). 
I should admit openly prior to loss of libido we did have a situation and lose a child. Abortion by choice. I’m not here for anti abortion comments, keep them to yourself. I’m emotionally fine. It was mutual and necessary. But I’ve heard it can negatively affect women’s hormones and don’t know how credible my research is? 
We have a fantastic romantic relationship. There’s no lack of passion - obviously or we wouldn’t be getting married. We flirt and make out all the time. Sometimes but rarely he’ll try for more but my brain just shuts down and I stop functioning when I know he wants sex. I can NOT do it. And he respects that. 
But I’m scared for the wedding night and moving forward. How can we communicate? I know he’s happy but how can I do more of what would satisfy him? Would you consider me a part of the asexual spectrum? 
It’s funny. I used to think I had it all figured out. Now I’m 22 and know nothing.
TLDR; I think I’m Ace but I haven’t always been so I’m confused and I’m getting married and I want to make sure I can keep him happy and interested in the years to come. Help!?

Answer

I’ll tell you the same thing I told my friend when this happened to him. Sometimes stress or other strong emotions can mess up your libido. With him, once he got to the bottom of some things, he’s sex drive was back to normal. He also had a high sex drive prior to going through this. It lasted maybe a year and a half for him. I’m not saying you couldn’t be ace, I’m on the asexual spectrum and still have a normal and healthy sex life. Also, medical issues can cause changing libido, so if you can’t think of any factors, I would talk to your doctor. They may be able to tell you if you have a hormonal imbalance or refer you to a counselor. Good luck, I’m sure it will all be fine in the end. And congratulations on the engagement.

Answer

You'll have to sort the intimacy issues out first because it is also a big part of marriage and it's important for you and for him.. if you don't work through those issues your marriage will suffer

Answer

I think you need to consider potential causes for the loss of your libido. It sounds very much like there are psychological causes for this, and that may mean you can regain access to that part of your life & relationship with therapy or working through the causes of this problem. Perhaps you could see a therapist about it or dive into what you feel when you have to reject him for sex.
There could be hormonal and emotional changes here too, as stress or hormonal changes could have definitely started this. 
It could be a medication or birth control that is causing the lack of libido. 
I'm no authority on the matter, but I don't consider you on the ace spectrum, because it seems you have just lost your desire for sex, but do experience or did experience sexual attraction and desire for sex with another person, presumably? It sounds like you did.
Do you still experience sexual attraction, or only romantic attraction?
 Only you would really know if you ever did or do experience sexual attraction!

Ace?? and Confused

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products