Today, we found out the gender of our baby. Granted, it’s through sneak peek so it could be wrong. But, the test came back girl which seems to have lower chances of being inaccurate than boy readings.

And I feel so shitty because I’m genuinely disappointed.

I should be happy no matter what. It’s our first child and it took us a year to conceive her. I’ve had my girl name picked out for as long as I can remember. And I knew I wanted a girl, but I wanted a boy first.

However, I feel I’ve let my family’s wants precede my own. My parents, grandparents to three little girls already, desperately wanted a grandson. So I know they’re disappointed because they haven’t been shy in letting me know they wanted a grandson at all.

On the other hand, my two older brothers desperately wanted me to have a girl because they didn’t want me to have the first boy. And I know at least one of my sister in laws couldn’t stand me having a boy because she knew it would be favored and “special” for being the first boy.

It’s all dumb and absurd and shouldn’t matter, but nonetheless it does to me. I just want to be happy that I have a baby at all, but regardless of if it makes sense to anyone else or not, what my family wanted is making it hard for me to enjoy my little girl right now.

I’ll get over it, and I know I’ll raise a strong, independent and determined little lady. But for now I’m just mad at my family for ruining this moment for me.

Does anyone else feel pressures like this from their family?