New Moms: It's okay to ask for help!!

I'll start this off by saying that, by the grace of God and help from my mother, my daughter is a healthy two-and-a-half year old.

..........

The first week after having my daughter Ellie, her father claimed to have the flu so she and I stayed at my mom's house. I don't think I would have made it through Ellie being an infant had it not been for my mom. As much as it shames me to admit this, I don't think Ellie would have made it either.

My s.o.b of an ex-husband was indirectly struck by lightning just a month after the birth of our daughter. He used this as an excuse to not step up and help me. I also had to get a new job at a plant (no one else would hire me) where I worked three 12 1/2-hour shifts.

Ellie only slept in about 20 minute increments and I couldn't figure out why or how to get her to sleep better. This went on for the first 7 months or so.

3 1/2 months after Ellie's birth, her father dropped her and tried to run me over with my own car. She and I were fine, thank God. I wound up moving back in with my mother and trying to figure out what to do about a divorce.

See, me and Ellie were sleeping on my mother's couch because she refused to sleep in a bassinet, crib, or pack-n-play. I was running on little to no sleep and she screamed almost all night. I couldn't get her to stop. I wanted to pick her up and shake her, do whatever I could to get her to stop... I would instead pick her up, try to love on her, check her diaper, feed her, burp her, anything I thought would work. Sometimes it would work for a little while, sometimes it wouldn't help at all. My mother started sleeping in the living room to help me so that I wouldn't get too frustrated because I tend to yell. I believe my mother saved our lives.

Please please please do not judge me. I wrote this to let others know that it is okay to ask for help. I refused to be put on antidepressants when I really needed to be with everything going on.

PS: Does anyone have tips for a first-time mom dealing with a toddler?