We waited 8 years for our second child, and finally December 2014 I found out I was pregnant. It was the most amazing Christmas gift for me and my family.

I was too excited. I missed the feeling of having a big bump and be able to eat like a monster with soo much cravings.

The pregnancy wasn't easy for the first tri. Had to stop working bec of possible mc. I was really sick, vommiting, dizziness, constipated, feeling restless and tired all day unable to sleep and eat.

I had a monthly checkup, ultrasound and everything my baby needed just to make sure she'll grow healthy inside me. I had taken prenatal vitamins. Eat fruits on a daily basis. Drink fresh milk twice a day. Had a regular walk at least twice a week.

I was too excited on the 5th month of my pregnancy I started to buy baby clothes. Then every month thereafter I buy baby stuffs. My husband who's working offshore sent out a box full of baby milk and baby food. He got me baby bottles, a walker and a high chair.

My 8 year old daughter was more excited than I was. We almost spent our days talking how our life will be more happier once baby girl is born. She talks to her sister in my womb every now and then telling her how excited we were and she should come out right away.

Since my husband is not with us I can only send him text messages at least 50 a day telling him how our little baby girl moves so much. How the baby craves so much and I was always hungry.

My due date is supposed to be today, 17th of August 2015... but I gave birth to my precious Angel Mavis on the 6th of August at around 2:30 in the aftie.

I can never forget that faithful day. I was on labor since the night of Aug 5, me and my sister went to the lying in and stayed there. I waited for the pain to grow intense so I can push the baby out but the pain went off after hours so we decided to go back home 5 in the morning. I have no idea that my baby could have been already suffering inside me those hours. I felt the labor pains a little weird and was expecting for the same thing with my first child but they say pregnancy is different from anyone else. I thought of the whole process as a normal thing. The pain, my tummy pretty hard and heavy. I was already thinking why my baby wasn't moving but I still think it's probably bec of the hardening and they say the baby won't be moving that much once ready to come out.

So we went home at 5am, I had a shower and breakfast still thinking I may still go into labor anytime so I went to bed trying to get all the rest and energy I needed. I had a good sleep from 7 to 11 and did'nt feel anything aside from slight pain on my tummy once in a while.

At past 12 during lunch I started having labor pains again. This time it was too painful I knew my baby is coming. I went back to the lying in and at around 2pm I gave birth to a pretty big sleeping baby.

I didn't understand much when the midwife exclaimed that the baby was blue when she came out. Until she placed her on the other bed beside me and I was looking at her. I asked the midwife why my baby isn't crying. And all she said was the baby was blue and dead when it came out. That she tried to revive her but she's already dead inside.

I was lost right there. I had no one beside me that time my sister went out to school. My daughter was on my cousin's house told her to just come in once baby is out.

The midwife and the lady helper told me not to cry for it may caused too much bleeding. I didn't know what to do. My heart was too heavy. I felt blank. I cried in silence while I was looking at my poor little baby.

Few minutes my sister arrived and saw the sleeping baby. She cried soo much. We cried together endlessly. My daughter came in too excited after an hour and the next thing was one of the worst moments of my life. She was crying painfully I saw how disappointed she was. She wanted to scream out and I can do nothing for her. I myself can't find the right words to comfort her. Is there any?

"Why would God take her when I was praying every night?" my little girl asked. "Why did He give her only to take her right away?" another question that I myself asking the same.

I texted my husband of what happened and he called me right away. He was crying and that was the time I really broke out into tears. I felt the pain, their disappointments, the dreams of us being together were shattered. I felt my heart beating but I was like better than dead.

The pain didn't stop there. The funeral.. I was hospitalized. Everything was a big tragedy.

I felt miserable than ever.

Now I'm trying to take all the pieces back together but it's really not possible to get an instant healing.

My body has fully recovered but my heart I know will be forever battling.