Feeling Confused

My husband and I have been together for about eight years now. When we first meet I was overweight. But after having a baby and losing my dad. I TRUELY LET MYSELF GO. I have tried to lose some weight always seems like the motivation is not there.

My husband was super affectionate in the beginning of our relationship. He would always say super sweet thing to me. He would take me out on dates. But after moving in and having a baby things change.

Whenever I would ask for five min of his time, he would reply with "I'm so annoying " or "Go to the gym." It has gotten so bad that I feel like I'm begging for quality time.

And by far I'm not claiming to be a super wife. I know I have my flaws and all. But he know about my past. I have had problem with depression before. He is also aware of the relationship I have with my mom. He knows how she treats me and my siblings.

This Friday night the same thing happened again. Where he had the day off and I asked him for five minutes for me. He told me to go away. That I was annoying him. I had enough and decide to take sometime for my self. I sat in the kitchen and had a couple glasses of wine. The last thing I remember was telling him how I felt. And I totally blackout. I woke up to cold water in my face. My sister being there and him nowhere in sight. After taking a cold shower. We sat down with my sister and talked. I basically told him how I'm not happy in this relationship. How I feel like I have to compete with my daughter to get his attention. How stupid I feel for feeling jealous of her. How I feel about him always bring up my weight. How I feel like I'm worth less than a dog. I was able to bring everything out.

He needed up telling me how he feels. And how he feels like I'm always on top of him. How he wants me to lose weight so I dont become sick.(Diabetes runs in my family) How he feels so stress at work.

I can understand the weight thing. But it's about how he tells me that annoys me. I would so much prefer for a different approach.

Fast forward to yesterday night. We sat down and talked about what we are going to do about our relationship. He asked me if we want to work on our relationship or get a divorce. And I just sat their and didn't say a word. Today he kept asking me simple questions and I know I'm being super short and distance with my answers.

He is the love of my life. And I know he care about me some way or another. I know the love I have for him is real. I know my heart hurt when I think about not being with him.

But the only question I keep asking myself is "Am I right for him?" and is he right for me. I'm so torn right now. Im fighting the urge of asking him for a hug. Begging for a kiss. I love him with all my heart. But my mind is allover the place.

Sorry if it doesn't make an sense. I just needed to rant.