Birth trauma

Anyone else struggle with some parts of their birth experience? Like I am so thankful for my beautiful and healthy baby but in some ways I struggle with how he came in to the world.

I had an awful time with pushing, including a doctor putting her finger in my butt. My husband said she at least warned me but I have no memory of consenting and it felt really violating because I wasn't aware it was going to happen until I felt her in there and panicked asking what that was. I feel like I was assaulted but I also feel ridiculous being this upset over it.