Gender disappointment

I’m posting this anonymously because I know it’s a touchy subject and I might get some negative feedback but I would like to get the opinions of random strangers on here rather than have people I know judge me. And it will be kind of long to explain.

So I just found out the gender of my baby and I’m having another boy. I’ve been pregnant 4 times now and I have a healthy 18 month old boy at home. My other two pregnancies that ended in miscarriages were far enough along for me to know the gender, and they were both boys as well. So now that is technically 4 boys I would have had. Now don’t get me wrong, I loooove my little boy at home, he is the sweetest thing in the world. And if you would have asked me before I found out the gender what I wanted next, I always had the same answer: we want three kids and if I could guarantee my third would be a girl, I would prefer a boy next. So here I am, pregnant with a little boy and all I can think about is that I am never going to get a girl. Like what are the chances I would have 4 boys in a row and then suddenly get my girl on the 5th try?? It’s putting too much pressure on my third child and if I’m struggling so much with my second being a boy, I feel like if my third is a boy too, I’m not going to be able to cope with it. I know that sounds so dramatic and I should just be happy to have healthy babies, but I can’t shake the disappointing feelings I’m having and it’s making me feel terrible.

So I guess the reason I am writing this post is in hopes that someone can share their experience having two boys in a row and/or when they finally got the “other” gender. Or if someone has ever felt the way I’m feeling, what you did to help yourself get excited. I know my son will love having a brother, I’m just having a hard time getting excited for a boy since I’ve already done the boy thing... if that makes any sense.

I also think I’m having a case of the pregnancy blues. I didn’t know that was a thing, I thought it was only postpartum but I’ve been feeling pretty down since day 1 of this pregnancy (which is crazy because after two miscarriages, and this being all I hoped for, you would think I would be happy), so that might be playing a part in this too.