Half my heart went to heaven 😢

Last night we put our first child to sleep. We had him 8 long wonderful years adopted him from a shelter at 7 years old. When my husband and I first moved in together. He was my first dog but he was also our first child. I can’t stop crying. I have pretty much been crying non stop for the last week. I can’t sleep I just hurt. I want my furrbaby back.

Yesterday watching my almost two year old try to feed him and play with him while he couldn’t even stand and wouldn’t eat was devastating. The last threw weeks the only thing Bear would eat is what my son fed him. Wouldn’t touch it unless it came from him. He stopped eating all together about 5 days before and our son just kept trying. When our son would try to play with him it was the only time bear would try to stand and yesterday he just couldn’t even get up.

I have lost people before but I have never lost someone I live with someone I ever minute of every day will notice isn’t there anymore. I’m so sad that my boys won’t remember him one is 2 next month and the other is two months old I just always saw them growing up with Bear. Does it get easier? How long until the tears stop?

Update-

This morning my son and I came to the living room and my son sees a dog treat on the floor that he had tried to give him yesterday. He runs up to me grabs my hand saying dog over and over as he drags me to the back door treat still firmly clutched. He thought Bear was outside 😢 I take my phone out and show him a picture of Bear and said dog went bye and my son grabs my phone waves at the picture says bye bye and kisses it.

I have never cried so hard in my life. I have never missed someone more than I miss Bear and seeing my son missing him and not able to understand makes my heart break even more. I have not slept much in days I can’t stop crying. I didn’t get my morning kisses when I walk around the house I don’t hear the familiar sound of Bear jumping up to follow me I want to cry into his soft fur like I always do when I’m upset and I can’t. This doesn’t feel like home without him. I’m so incredibly depressed