Am I the only one?


I'm probably not the only one but sometimes it feels like it. I got pregnant at 19. Our daughter is now 3, we're engaged and just in a better place. I want another baby.

But everytime I think of having a baby, I just get sad. Because my whole experience the first go wasn't what I ever pictured. My family wasn't excited for me, I moved far from home to a new state. It was just me and my now fiance . Like I didnt have anyone to enjoy the pregnancy with like my fiance at the time didnt make me feel like he was excited about it. That's all I wanted the whole time was someone to be excited with me. I didn't even get to take maternity pictures or have a proper shower. I dont even have decent newborn pictures. My whole life I dreamed/planned of having a baby obviously when I was a little older. All the things I'd do and how i would announce it. But i didnt get any of that and now that i want another baby i just feel like it will be the same thing over again. Which i know it won't but still this dread fills me. I've had a few times where I thought I was pregnant again and I would panic/cry because what if my fiance wasn't excited (which I know he would but obviously my brains an ass)

This is a really dumb rant. But I just want a happy pregnancy this time, I dont want to be miserable again.

P.s just crying while trying to get the thoughts out because I'm an emotional mess per usual