I'm posting this anonymously in case I get hate for this.

But do you think it's ok to stop after 2 kids and get tubes tied (even if you want more kids) because being pregnant is so bad for you mentally?

***Trigger part****

Basically, 4 years ago I was raped at my friend's party. I had one drink and someone drugged it without me knowing and I was out for the entire night. I remember everything and I remember not being able to move or scream because of the drugs because I was awake and pretty alert. I just felt frozen in time as I watched what was happening to me.

**Trigger over**

Because of this, I've had a variety of issues receiving medical treatment. Basically anything that involves a vaginal exam, I can't do it without freaking out with a full blown panic attack. I can get through it ok with minor anxiety IF I have control of the procedure, meaning it it's a transvaginal ultrasound, I have to insert the probe myself before they can proceed. If it's an exam involving a speculum, I have to insert that myself too before they can proceed and open it up.

I still get massive anxiety about it all but it's the only way I can get through it or else I refuse all together.

Obviously being pregnant requires these exams. I needed to do a fetal fibronectin test and that involves the speculum and the cervix checks (for preterm labor) and ultrasounds. It all is so very stressful on me. I think the stress from it increases my chances of preterm labor and may explain all the constant contractions.

A lot of doctors and nurses are so insensitive and act like I'm an inconvenience to them if I go to a hospital and need these things done.

Do you think it's safe to say I should let this pregnancy be my last? That this is just too overwhelming on me? I haven't even given birth yet and I know for a fact that alone will bring up the trauma once again with the cervix checks and pain.

I can feel my overall mental health deteriorating and I'm ready for this to be over and I still have 7 weeks to go. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I've already done a lot of therapy. I'm doing a lot better with daily life coping stuff and the nightmares are gone, it just seems being pregnant and all the exams trigger everything.