Is it wrong?

Question

I miscarried my first pregnancy at five weeks, and it destroyed me. I really, really want to find a way to memorialize  the baby (who I named Isaiah, despite not knowing the gender conclusively.) But, part of me feels like I'm somehow appropriating someone else's mourning, as if I don't have the right to be in this much pain because I was "lucky" in that I lost it very early. I dont know what to do. I feel that people will judge me for wanting to memorialize a child whose heartbeat I never even heard, but I'm just so lost. So, my lovely women who have miscarried, what are your thoughts? Have you memorialized an early loss, and, if so, how? Would you be offended if somebody memorialized an early MC if you lost a baby later?

Answer

A loss is a loss no matter what and I will never judge another women for losing a baby regardless of weeks.

Answer

I prematurely gave birth to my son at 13 weeks exactly, on November 26th, 2018. We are having him cremated, my aunt gave me a blanket she hand crocheted for him that was intended for Christmas, I’m getting a tattoo for him, and the funeral home has ordered a nameplate necklace for us. I was in my second trimester, thought I was in the clear after hearing his heartbeat SO many times and seeing him bounce around SO many times. But we lost him. I would do all of these things and memorialize him whether I was 13 weeks or 3 weeks. That love is so intense from the second you know you’re pregnant. YOU do what YOU need to do to cope, and anyone who judges has clearly never been a parent.
From one mom to another, welcome to the Angel Baby club. We love you and will never judge you.

Answer

I lost one at 4wks, one at 6wks, one at 14wks and a stillbirth at 20wks. Although the stillbirth was definitely my biggest heartbreak I can tell you that I don’t criticize or get offended when someone is just as broken as I am over their 4,5,6,7 or 8 week loss as I am over my 20wks because it’s a loss and that baby was wanted and loved as much as mine was and to this day I’ve never forgotten my 4, 6 or 14 wk loss. The only difference is that I was able to hold my 20wk loss, cremate her and keep pictures of her while my first two babies ended up in a toilet (which breaks my heart when I think about it). My best friend’s daughter died at 18 months old and I always felt so bad when she’d try to comfort me. I felt like I had no right to feel how I felt when her baby was so much older and she had so much more time with her to build a bond. But she always reminded me that I too lost a child whether it was earlier or later than she did, but I did. Don’t ever feel bad for hurting over your loss. You’re a mom regardless of how early or late you lost your baby and the loss of a child is unbearable. I didn’t get to commemorate them but I hope that you find the perfect way to do so for yours and I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer

I completely understand how you feel. I lost my baby at 10 weeks. I miscarried naturally the shortly after finding out the baby had no heartbeat. I felt and still feel lost. I can’t quite seem to figure out how to mourn someone i loved so much but never really met (I did see my baby when I miscarried). My husband and I also decided to name our baby, since we didn’t know the gender we chose Charlie. Just naming the baby helped me a bit but I’m still trying to find a way to really memorialize my little 👼

Is it wrong?

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