I don’t know what to do

It’s been 2.5 years since we started dating but it has never been easy. We both met each other back in Asia, at school and our relationship changed from a student-teacher relationship to a couple in a short 4 months’ time.

There’s been lots of objections and we’ve just been secretly dating. There’s been lots of ups and downs and I’ve attempted to break up with him but I’d always end up crawling back to him because I love him so much. There have been moments where he’s hurt me so much verbally that I’d just self-harm. I’m ashamed about it.

Fast forward to summer 2018. He took a 3 month break to go back to France and hoped that I could meet him in France and that we’d travel mid-July but problems came up with my student visa application and I end up being able to meet him only on the 5th of September. Whilst he was in France, I thought that he’s been spending lots of time with his parents since he told me that he has lost contact we most of his friends. It’s when I arrived in France in the 6th of September that met his parents and went for a trip.

I’m now studying in UK and my boyfriend’s still back in Asia. He’s visiting his parents back in France and he wishes to see me in France but only for 3-4 days because his parents want him to spend more time with them. I was hesitant because my exams would be after Christmas but I decided that I wanted to go anyways because I just want to see him so badly. But as a student who’s living off my parents, money’s tight and I saw that tickets are cheaper if I were to stay in France for a week, I told him about that but he strongly insisted that I only stay at his parents’ for 3-4 days. I explained that tickets would be cheaper if I were to stay for a week and that I wouldn’t be in their way since I’ll be revising and he just exploded saying how immature it is of me to not think of him and his parents claiming that his parents are already old and that they’re not gonna live forever.

I mean I understand but I really am not going to be in their way. The more I think about it, the more I feel unwelcome at theirs. In the end, we argued and he told me to not go to France saying that he was dumb enough to even suggest the idea in the first place.

What he initially told me was that he made an effort to fly back to France from Asia so that he can see me and his parents but why is it now my fault? Why is he calling me childish and immature? I mean I know that I’m only 22 and he’s 22 years older than me but still, why is he calling me immature and inconsiderate? Am I really such a person?