Lose the Fear

After my second hcg test, I plotted what my levels should be if they rise at least 60% every other day up until my first appointment, Sept. 8th. And I realized how neurotic that was. I've had 2 miscarriages, both when I should have been 8 weeks, the most recent being in July. I also have 2 healthy, beautiful children. I am terrified that I will lose this one too. I want a third child so very badly, and am doing everything in my power to ensure it will be healthy. But I have 18 days until I will know if everything is normal, or until I see that sad empty little sac meant for my baby to grow in. I can stress myself out, or I can enjoy the rollercoaster of hormones, the bloat, and the strange craving for orange juice. I might lose this one too, but at least I have had 11 days (so far) with this potential for life.