Feeling sad after First Ultrasound.. 😔

I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Sad, I guess. Disappointed, maybe, is a better description, I don't know. Maybe if I get my feelings out, I will feel better, and less confused.

Today was our first appointment to see the new baby on ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. I've never been to this OB, it's a new doctors office since we moved states. This is our third baby and I am 10 weeks today. We bundled the kids up (5 & 2) and took my son who is in Kindergarten in late so he could be there. My husband and all of us were excited to finally see the baby and make sure it was healthy.

The doctor wheeled in the portable abdominal ultrasound machine, told the nurse to call in my family, and when they all arrived excited, put the wand to my stomach for less than 2 minutes, saw a flickering heartbeat, took a couple measurements, and turned the machine off. That was it. When I asked if we could hear the heartbeat, she said no, this machine does not have sound. Seriously??! We can't even hear the heartbeat? I have no idea how many beats per minute it even was. Or how beautiful it would have sounded. Then she told them we have to get onto the physical exam now, and ushered them out of the room. 😕 I was in shock I think. And just laid there silently. My husband looked at me sad leaving the room and my son looked confused. 😞

My two first appointments with my son's back in Colorado were amazing. Full screen image of baby, heartbeat sounded amazing and tons of pictures. This one we got two pictures, both so blurry you can barely make out any shape, even at 10 weeks, 2 minutes of confusing images and no sound, no "heartbeat celebration" like we've done before.

I am so thankful the baby is alive. And there is even a heartbeat to be seen. I know some people dont even get an ultrasound.... But I honestly felt crushed leaving that office. And I keep trying to check myself, that this is small potatoes compared to it all, but I just feel so disappointed. This was nothing like we were hoping for after waiting 4 weeks.

I dont know. Maybe it's my hormones and I'm overreacting.

I really was expecting to be on cloud nine today, and now I really miss my OB back in Denver. They treated you like family there, they were excited right along with you... 😞😒😭