Hey ladies, I need some advice.

I’m posting anonymously because my partner is on this app.

My partner and I live in the same state, he goes to college in my state and his family used to live there as well. More recently, they moved back to their home state 1,000 miles away. I agreed to go home with my partner for Christmas because he spent Thanksgiving with my family and I felt it was only fair.

I had been very nervous about this trip because of a combination of an anxiety disorder and many health problems I have.

We flew in yesterday and we’re supposed to stay 8 nights. My dad paid my flight and I don’t have a choice but to stay.

That being said, this is what really upsets me. I have severe chronic sinusitis and I’ve never lived in a house with people who smoke. His mother does. I asked him to check and see if she smokes in the house prior to the trip. If she did, I wouldn’t come stay because I wouldn’t want her to have to alter what she does in her own home for me. It doesn’t bother anyone else, his sister and brother smoke (SO does not). My partner ASSUMED she didn’t and we get up here and she smokes in the house. She also smoked in the 3 hour car ride from the airport. I already feel ill and I haven’t even been here a full night.

I also have POTS and endometriosis. I’m about to start my period soon which is tough and I only feel well when I get adequate rest. I asked my SO what the sleeping arrangements would be, and he told me “it’s not a big deal; we’ll figure something out”. When we got here we found a twin size mattress for two adults with no sheets and pillows with no pillowcases. There are some in the house but it would require searching them out. I’m on the curvy side and so is my partner, so we both can’t fit.

I’m at a loss of what to do. I feel deeply hurt that my partner couldn’t even make sure we have a suitable place to stay with regards to my health conditions. It’s something I take medication for daily and he’s aware of my conditions. I only slept an hour and a half after traveling for 12 hours

and he left me alone crying from exhaustion and feeling ill. I don’t know what to do. I came on this trip because I wanted my SO to know what’s important to him is important to me but I don’t even feel my basic needs are being met.

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Thank you ladies for offering advice, feedback, and if nothing else validating my feelings so I didn’t feel so alone. I appreciate it more than you know.

I got some sleep and this morning my partner talked with his mother. When she had driven the 3 hours to the airport to pick us up she entrusted preparing a place for us to sleep with her husband, my partner’s step-father and I guess he thought that was adequate? My partner slept on the couch last night since his brother was out of the house for the night.

We had a long talk in the middle of the night after I posted this and my partner told me he was more worried about making sure there was healthy food I could eat (I have some dietary restrictions) and travel plans so I would be safe to fly. He honestly thought it would be taken care of and was mad and irritated at himself, not at me. I think we were both exhausted.

So back to this morning-he got me a snack and helped me situate my medicine and told me he had talked with his mother and she agreed to smoke outside while we’re awake and tried to figure out a new sleeping arrangement. There was an old queen size mattress in their camper and my SO moved boxes out of the room since they were using it for storage and a piece of furniture so he could fit the mattress in the room. He also found fresh sheets and got his step-father to help him carry the mattress in. I’m very relieved and looking forward to sleeping much better tonight.

I honestly couldn’t be happier right now! I’m happy my SO and I are back to normal. 😅🙌🏻