For anyone willing to listen..

I've been suffering through major anxiety and depression ever since my mom died 6 years ago. I was 19. My dad completely shut down and it was just him and I left, as my two brothers (who are my moms kids, different dads than me) left me here to handle everything by myself. My dad was so lost that I had to plan every for her funeral. Prayer cards, urn, flowers.. etc. I always said when I lost her I lost him too. 6 months later my dad had a massive heart attack. They wheeled him into surgery and can still remember him saying goodbye to me because no one knew if he would make it. I was still just 19. Same day just hours later, My boyfriend at the time of 3 years, the one who I thought was the love of my life, left me. Told me he didnt love me anymore and just couldnt handle it. I admit, I had been extra clingy for us as teenagers. I had just lost my mom and clung onto him like I needed him to survive. Flash forward to now. Happily married, finally settling in to my grief with my mom now that my dad is remarried and its hurting worse than ever. But the biggest day to day issue that leaves me coming home in full blown panic attacks is my job. I love what I do. But I work for a husband and wife family wedding photography business. I am their only full time employee. He is vernally abusive and is incredibly inappropriate. He treats his wife like absolute garbage. I've tried to leave before because he honestly scares me and had another job lined up. When I told him I was quitting he flipped out. Spouting off about how I was betraying him and I was rude for doing that. Just completely going off. He pays me like 9 an hour. It's a photography company so I am a photographer, their only editor, now he wants me to do videography editing, he also runs a graphic design business that I have to help him with, occasional babysitting, running errands to get him food and such, for 9 an hour!!

If you've made it this far you're probably saying what everyone just says."why dont you just leave."

If only it were that easy. I know it's going to suck. Hes going to flip out. And I'm terrified of him. My husband hates him but hates conflict even more and wont step in. Even though hes basically sexually harassed me multiple times. I've started going to therapy to deal with it but have only been once so far.

Another huge thing (and please dont get controversial on me). They are jehovah witnesses. Their beliefs are their beliefs and I have never once tried to stop them from preaching or teaching and I even let them do it when I'm having a bad day because I know it's not my place to tell them what they can and cant believe. But I dont have the same beliefs. He CONSTANTLY tries to push his religion on me. Has told me I'm a bad person for celebrating Christmas and tries to make me feel guilty because if I converted, I could apparently see my mom again.

On top of alllll of that, my husband and I finally got pregnant in August after almost 2 years. He didnt care about the heavy lifting he still had me doing on top of all the stress and anxiety. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and just feel like that was the reason.

I'm stressed to the max and just needed a place to vent. Please no hurtful comments. I am currently looking for a new job as discreetly as possible.