Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting and I just need a community of women to talk to.

My husband and I just started to try to conceive last month ... We were the first engaged, married, and out of all of our couple friends we see weekly we’ll most likely be the first ones pregnant. So we’re pretty use to paving the path and being the firsts and all that Jazz.

I found out last week that a close friend of mine from work is pregnant! When she told me, I congratulated her, gave her a huge hug and talked about how she was feeling and the due date .... She got up and showed me her ‘bump’ ... grabbed my hands and put them on her tummy and said ‘there’s a baby in there!’ ...... then this complex feeling of jealousy, desire, and sadness came over me and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and I just started sobbing. I couldn’t help myself. I was actually shaking sobbing so hard ....

I am so happy for her. I am over the moon ecstatic for her ... but I am so longing to become pregnant and to be a mom that I couldn’t help myself. I’ve never felt those emotions before in my life. I feel like a horrible friend and terrible person for feeling like this and honestly, my husband and I just started trying and I was a little upset when I got my period but I was very realistic with myself about that it could take a while or may not happen so I wasn’t uncontrollably emotional or anything just a ‘ah that stinks try again next time.’

This just sent me over the edge. I don’t know if it’s because she’s the first close person in my life to become pregnant or if it’s because I see her almost every day (we work in the same building and often get lunch together or meet up for dinner after work if our husbands are traveling) but I just have not been able to kick this overwhelming sadness and jealously like desire to be pregnant like her. But I am so so happy and excited for her. It’s weird.

I’m not a jealous person, I’m never not happy for someone... but I get tears in my eyes every time I go to talk to her. I haven’t been able to kick it and I feel absolutely crazy.

I’ve talked to my husband and he just says relax, get your emotions in check, you’re stressing yourself out... but there are some things that are so inherently female.. I just don’t think he can comprehend how I feel.

I know I have always wanted to be a mom but I don’t think I fully understood my desire to become pregnant until that moment. And now I have so many complex emotions that I haven’t even been able to think about anything else.

Is it normal to feel like this when you’re TTC? And I Know I’m very early in the process I’m sure people have tried much longer than we have but I just am so confused and I really just need some people to talk this out with.