This is a long one. Please don’t be mean.

Back story. My now ex fiancé and i got together back in 2013. I was a single mom. He took on my daughter as his own. We had our son a year and a half into our relationships. Things happened very fast. We were friends first bc our best friends were getting married. He got a promotion in another state to start in 2016. I picked up both kids and left my job/family/friends so we could be with him in a better place. We got engaged etc. we have always fought a lot and i could see some red flags. And basically always thought if we never had our son, that maybe this wouldn’t have lasted so long. We were living in my dads house before we moved so it was hard to see the REAL him, you know? Fast forward to 2017. Now we’re settled. I got a job. Things seem, ok. But the fighting is worse. His laziness is like no other. He wasn’t doing his job the way he was supposed to. He worked from home, so had nobody watching him. But i knew he wasn’t doing the job. I told him if we picked up and left and he loses his job I’d flip out. So at this point I’m becoming unhappy. Constantly nagging him to help me with things. He never does anything. I’m working full time at work and at home. And he’s on the couch playing video games. He’s verbally/emotionally abusive and at times he has touched me in my sleep and it’s woken me up. I’ve made it very clear that i don’t like that and i feel violated. I started to become very close with a coworker. Who happens to be a woman. In office flirting. She was like that with everyone. I didn’t think anything of it. He kept asking me if anything was going on. It wasn’t. Until one day it did happen. About a month later we called off our engagement. And we have been in this back and forth unsure what will happen state. He was seeing someone for a while. I have been on and off (mostly on) dating this woman. She also is my best friend here. All of these things aside. He has tracked my phone. Gone through my phone. Gone through my emails. Really really crossing every boundary. Calls me names. Has pushed me. Tells me I’m a horrible mother. Even though I’m literally the only one taking care of the kids. I go to every meeting for my daughters school and therapists (she’s diagnosed with a few things and i think will be changing it soon). Oh also. The job we came here for, he lost. He went through 2 jobs before finding one he’s stuck with. Physically there’s nothing there for me. I don’t want to kiss him etc. and with her. It’s so different. She’s everything ive ever wanted. I know this seems so silly and clear. But when i think about actually leaving, i get really sad. What am i missing. Our lease is up in April. I need to make a decision. She is asking me to move in with her. I want to. But something is holding me back.