Um would you deal with this?? 😞
This is long but please please stick with me and give me some advice.
So my boyfriend, soon to be fiancé, who “loves me more than himself” didn’t get me anything for Christmas. Because “no gifts this year” is all he has said about it, after I had already gotten him a gift, we usually exchange gifts every year. He acts like I shouldn’t care an ounce. It’s not necessarily that he didn’t get me a gift that bothers me, it’s his lack of communication about “no gifts” and I had no input or an explanation given to me. I still gave him my gift.
He didn’t come with me to visit my parents like other years. He said he had to work and he said he hopes I have a good time. He didn’t see anyone for the holidays. Then I saw on his phone (we let each other have access to our phones) that he told a coworker “we’re off all holidays” when I confronted him he said since he is a supervisor he still had to be there for a few hours. I decided to believe him and drop it.
He also admitted to me he did not want to see my family (there is no reason for that other than he doesn’t like family time as he said to me- my family and him get along very well). My family still got him nice Christmas gifts but he didn’t reach out to them to give them a personal thank you nor has he used or wore anything they got him. I didn’t give him any shit about any of this because I didn’t want to let him ruin my Christmas and I just wanted to be happy with him. I thought maybe he has been stressed from work and I didn’t want to make him more stressed. I had been doing everything in my power to not cause drama.
Then last night New Year’s <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> I get home and he’s laughing up a storm on the phone with a male work friend. When he’s done like a switch turned off, he starts acting like a grump. I ask him to open some sparkling wine I brought home for us and he said he can’t open it because the opening is “sketchy” I asked him twice to please open a different bottle of wine I had sitting in the fridge then. He does but then lays on the couch, doesn’t say a word to me, I try to talk to him about my family, excited that I got to see my sister and nieces and nephews since last year, he engaged in the convo a little but kept closing his eyes. I told him if he wants to sleep go to bed it’s ok. He said no he’s not tired and continued just laying there in silence. I asked him if there’s anything wrong and he said no everything’s fine.
I told him I really wanted to just talk to him, about anything. I tried to get him to laugh by telling funny stories about my family but no reaction. I asked him what he would like to talk about. He said nothing. I said ok, then let’s talk about our future (since he never talks to me about it) I said “do you want to keep living in this apartment or buy or rent a house next year?” He said it doesn’t matter and “details aren’t important” I said ok actually we’re not talking about details we’re talking about something that matters. So what are your goals next year? He said to move back to California. I said that’s not realistic (it truly isn’t for us). He agreed but kept not wanting to talk to me. I said “would you move to California if I didn’t go with you?” He said no. But seemed unhappy. I said “what about me? Do you not think I have wants and goals? You don’t even ask me.” He said “you can do whatever you want and I will support you 100%” I said very calmly and kindly “are you have any money issues?” He said no and everything’s fine. I do believe him but I’ve had my doubts (he does not tell me how much he has in his account and never has asked me how much I have in my account).
He kept acting like he’d rather be anywhere except here with me and I’m like do you want to watch a movie? He said no. I said ok then let’s go to bed. He just laid in bed not touching me (as usual) until I initiated sex and he quickly came inside me knowing I’m not on birth control right now and then when I showed my disappointment that I didn’t come, he said “go to bed.” It was 9:30pm at this time.
I woke up at 3am to him not in bed, playing video games in the living room. Now it’s the next day, I have to go back to work tomorrow, and he is sleeping the day away.
I feel like I deserve better. I’m very upset and don’t know what to think. I do love him very much and don’t want to leave. I want a future with him. And he has told me before he wants to marry me and have kids with me and wouldn’t leave me for anything.
I’m in my mid 20s and him mid 30s, we’ve been living together for 2 and a half years in case this helps.