My New Years Epiphany

3 years ago if someone would tell me I would be in this kind of head space I would tell you that you were out of your mind. I got divorced 3 years ago, at that time I had been TTC for 4 years at that point. I was in a terrible marriage. I finally got the courage to leave, I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally. I was under the impression I would never be a mother, and that is what I had always wanted. I didn't have any other plans for my life, I wanted to be married and be a mother. I had no career goals. Nothing else.

I was diagnosed with severe PCOS, endometriosis, pre-diabetic. I was told my chances for a healthy pregnancy is very low. I was crushed. Completely heartbroken, and confused. Why would my whole life revolve around being a mother, if God would take that chance away from me.

I met my now fiancé and I told him once things were starting to take off "I may not be able to have children, so if having biological children is something you can't live without I'm not the person you need to be with." He looked at me straight in the face and said "I only need me and you, children are a bonus" I knew that he was the one.

I have spent so many days and nights sobbing, wondering why my body could betray me like it has. Until a few weeks ago, I woke up completely content with my life. I look at my fiancé and I am whole. I am fully and truly happy with how our life is. If we have children that's okay, but if we don't I will survive knowing I have him and his love. He loves me, barren or not. And most importantly I LOVE ME, MOTHER OR NOT.🧡